Why do we ghost or get ghosted? Therapist breaks down the psychology behind this common dating behaviour
Ghosting can feel like a silent form of heartbreak. Have you ever been chatting with someone, everything feels amazing, and then, out of nowhere… they vanish? No warning, no explanation, just total silence. It’s like being left hanging without any closure. Welcome to the unsettling world of ghosting, a phenomenon that has become all too common yet continues to leave people feeling confused, hurt, and searching for closure. (Also read: Snowmanning: New holiday dating trend that doctors warn could lead to STIs and emotional fallout )
“Modern dating has created a language of its own. Terms like benching, breadcrumbing, and cushioning have made their way into everyday lingo. Ghosting is one such term. It refers to suddenly disappearing without explanation. Ever wondered why it happens?” says Shaurya Gahlawat, Mental Health Therapist, in her recent Instagram post.
She added, “Whether you’ve ghosted or been ghosted, it often boils down to fear, discomfort, or emotional overwhelm. Let’s dive into the psychology behind this modern phenomenon and uncover what’s really going on when someone vanishes from your life.”
Why do people ghost?
“Most ghosters aren’t evil—they’re just avoiding discomfort. Fear of confrontation, guilt, or not knowing how to express their feelings can make ghosting seem like the easier option,” says Shaurya. She further listed out some common reasons why people ghost in her post.
- It might not be about you
One of the biggest misconceptions about ghosting is that it’s personal. In reality, most ghosters aren’t malicious—they are simply avoiding discomfort. Fear of confrontation, guilt, or not knowing how to express their feelings can make ghosting seem like the easier option.
Another common reason people ghost is the fear of hurting someone’s feelings. They may feel guilty or uncomfortable with the idea of rejecting someone, so they opt to disappear instead. This avoids a direct confrontation, but it doesn’t offer the clarity or closure the other person might need.
Sometimes, ghosting happens when someone feels emotionally overwhelmed, often due to personal struggles or stress. Instead of explaining their feelings, they retreat to protect themselves from having to deal with the situation. In these cases, ghosting is more about the person’s own emotional limitations than about the person being ghosted.
Let’s face it—social media and dating apps have made ghosting easier. The digital detachment reduces accountability, making disappearing feel like a low-risk option. With the ease of blocking or ignoring messages, it becomes tempting for people to avoid facing uncomfortable emotions by simply vanishing.
For the ghoster, it feels like avoiding conflict or awkwardness. They justify their silence with thoughts like, “It’s better this way,” or, “They’ll get the hint.” But while ghosting might feel safe for them, it’s rarely fair or kind to the person on the other end.
How to handle ghosting?
Being ghosted is difficult, but it’s important not to take it personally—it often says more about the ghoster than it does about you. Resist the urge to chase closure. Instead, focus on your self-worth, talk to supportive friends, and remind yourself that someone who ghosts you likely isn’t capable of the kind of connection you deserve.
What to do if you feel the urge to ghost
If you feel the urge to ghost, take a moment to pause and reflect. Can you send a kind, honest message instead? Breaking the cycle of ghosting requires courage and empathy. Being upfront with someone may feel awkward, but it’s a step toward healthier communication—and ultimately, a better connection for everyone involved.
