One of the ways people deal with unhappy marriages is looking for love out of wedlock, says expert. People also indulge in extra-marital affairs to beat boredom, monotony, or a way to seek a fresh excitement or spark that goes missing in a marriage after a while. When two people live together under the same roof for years, they may also begin to take each other for granted, get into their comfort zone, or worse be disrespectful to one another. This may lead to fissures in marriage and a desire to seek love outside marriage. (Also read: Expert on simple rules to make a marriage successful)
“Two of the very important reasons behind a partner seeking love outside marriage is the lack of physical and emotional connect. If both the partners are not having any physical relationship for a long time then that is one big factor behind a marriage falling apart. Lack of emotional connect with each other may lead a spouse to begin something new, break the monotony and find that emotional support. If your partner is occupied all the time in managing house and children, an isolated spouse could show an inclination towards having an extra-marital affair,” says Deepali Batra, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Therapist in a telephonic conversation with HT Digital.
Batra says during the sessions with her clients, she has observed that a lot of partners are getting into extra-marital relationships because of lack of attention from their spouse or loneliness.
“One of my clients during a session admitted that he got into a relationship outside his marriage because he got a lot of attention from this outside person and that his wife and him are not on the same page anymore and she ignores most of the times what he says,” says Batra.
Too many responsibilities and little fun
The relationship therapist says after a while your partner may have a tendency to take you for granted. She says in a marriage where a spouse or both of them are working extra hard to bring earnings as well as manage a household, petty arguments or stress in general could spoil the special connection and intimacy.
“When you are having a relationship outside marriage, you feel you are the centre of attention for all the hours you are spending with the person which fulfils your need for attention and appreciation,” Batra told us.
Social media, a guilt-free space for cheating spouses
The advent of social media has led many people to lead two (love) lives – one perfectly hidden from their partner and where there is no space for guilt.
“Due to social media and the sense of privacy it offers, people have started feeling less guilty about cheating on their partner. A client recently admitted to me that somewhere he/she is enjoying both the lives – both with life partner and the outsider,” says the counsellor.
Nagging partner, family issues
Sometimes domestic issues could lead to emotional discontentment and too much nagging by a partner could lead to a spouse looking for respite in a third person. Not encouraging your partner to mingle with friends or giving them space outside marriage, disrespecting family members are some of the reasons people look for love outside marriage, says Batra.
“When your partner keeps complaining about daily life problems all the time there comes a point where you want to withdraw and have some pleasurable moments,” she says.
Avoiding infidelity: Open communication and setting priorities right
The relationship therapist says it’s important for people to regulate their emotions well and make a mindful choice of what kind of life they want for themselves. One needs to assess why they are indulging in an extra-marital relationship and what is the need that is unfulfilled.
“There has to be open communication between the partners rather than a lot of blaming. Recognising a faulty conversation pattern could mean you now have an opportunity to resolve it peacefully,” says Batra.
Couples need to understand what they are missing out in a relationship and they could do certain fun activities together. They should try to understand their partner’s love language, go for holidays together, work on building intimacy and engaging in their areas of interest.
