During the latest season of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!, English singer-songwriter Tulisa Contostavlos shared that she identifies as a demisexual. The 36-year-old revealed she rarely uses dating apps and has never been on a traditional date. “I believe I’m demisexual- I need a deep emotional bond with someone. I need actual depth. I’m a slow burner and have been celibate for over three years,” Tulisa confessed.
If you’re curious about what being demisexual means and how it fits into the broader spectrum of identities, keep reading. (Also read: ‘Freak matching’: Gen Z’s latest dating trend that’s redefining how we look for compatibility )
What is demisexuality?
“I’m not an overly sexualized person. For me, it’s all about the connection and the emotions I share with someone, which then makes me want to express them in that way,” Tulisa shared during a candid conversation with a fellow I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! contestant. Her words perfectly encapsulate the essence of demisexuality.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, demisexuality is defined as “a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they’ve developed a close emotional bond with them.” However, such a bond doesn’t necessarily guarantee sexual attraction, and it’s simply a prerequisite for any possibility of sexual feelings, the website explains.
The term “demisexuality” is thought to have originated in 2006 on a web forum focused on asexuality. It describes the level of sexual attraction an individual feels toward others, which is not limited by gender identity. A person can be heterosexual, homosexual, or fall under other orientations while also identifying as demisexual.
Demisexuality and its place on the asexual spectrum
Unlike the general population, demisexual individuals rarely experience sexual attraction. They are unlikely to feel any sexual desire for someone they’ve just met. Even if a sexual attraction does develop, it is often less intense, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Demisexuals are considered part of the Asexual Spectrum due to their proximity to asexuality rather than allosexuality. While asexual individuals experience no sexual attraction to others, demisexuals exhibit only partial attraction, typically requiring a deep emotional bond before any sexual feelings arise.
Additionally, graysexual individuals experience sexual attraction infrequently, unlike demisexuals, who require a deep emotional connection to feel such attraction. Growing up, graysexual people may feel out of place among peers due to their limited interest in sexual activities, which can lead to self-doubt, mental stress, and anxiety. For demisexuals, identifying with this label provides not only a sense of identity but also a way to connect with others who share similar experiences. This sense of community offers reassurance that they are not alone in navigating their unique perspectives on attraction.