Trouble saying ‘No’ at work? Expert shares the reasons and mental health risks of being a people pleaser

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr Evelyn Raghel Thomas, clinical director, employee assistance program, Truworth Wellness, shared the reasons behind this people-pleasing behaviour, the consequences of always being available at every beck and call and ways one can regain confidence and be assertive in the workplace.

Reasons for people-pleasing behaviour at the office

Dr Evelyn Raghel Thomas explored the roots of people-pleasing behaviour in the workplace, a common habit which many employees find incredibly challenging to break from. By understanding the reasons behind this tendency, one can begin to set healthier boundaries and gain confidence.

She shared these core reasons:

• One of the primary reasons behind people-pleasing behaviour is the fear of rejection and disapproval. Employees worry that refusing a request might make them seem uncooperative or disloyal to the team.
• From an early age, many people are conditioned to seek approval and avoid conflict. This behaviour carries over into the workplace, where employees often feel that saying no could lead to professional consequences, strained relationships, or diminished opportunities for career advancement.
• Another common reason is the need for validation and approval. Employees with low self-esteem may feel that their professional worth is tied to how much they contribute and how willing they are to accommodate others. For these individuals, saying yes becomes a way of proving their competence and value to their managers and peers. Even when they are overworked, the fear of losing professional standing prevents them from setting boundaries.
• Fear of conflict and confrontation plays a significant role in why people hesitate to say no. Employees may worry that refusing a request will be perceived as insubordination or laziness. In hierarchical work environments where power dynamics are prominent, saying no to a superior can feel especially intimidating. Employees may fear retaliation, negative performance reviews, or being overlooked for future opportunities.
• Perfectionism contributes to the difficulty in setting boundaries. Employees who are perfectionists often believe that they need to handle every task themselves to ensure the highest quality outcome. They may feel guilty delegating work or turning down a project, even when they are overextended.

Dr Thomas provided an example to explain the ulterior fears: An employee who is already juggling multiple deadlines might hesitate to refuse a last-minute request from their manager, fearing that saying no will make them look unreliable or incapable. This could lead to poor-quality work and increased stress, ultimately compromising their long-term performance and mental well-being.

How being always available impacts your mental health

When your reflex is to say ‘yes’ despite your own wishes, you create the impression that you are always available. Over time, this can lead to health issues.

Dr Evelyn Raghel Thomas shared these risks that can originate from always being available:

• One of the most immediate consequences of overcommitting is emotional and physical exhaustion. Employees who consistently work beyond their capacity experience mental fatigue, reduced focus, and diminished creative thinking.
• It also causes chronic stress. Stress levels are further heightened by increased anxiety. The unpredictability of last-minute requests or late-night work emails creates a constant state of hypervigilance. Employees feel the need to remain “on call” even during personal time, which prevents them from fully relaxing. Elevated stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline keep the brain in a state of fight or flight, increasing the risk of long-term health issues such as hypertension, heart disease, and weakened immune function.
• When the brain is overloaded with too many tasks and high-pressure demands, the ability to concentrate and retain information diminishes. Employees are more likely to make mistakes, forget important details, and struggle with problem-solving. This decline in cognitive function creates a cycle of underperformance and further stress, as the employee feels pressured to overcompensate by working even harder.
• Physically, this state of exhaustion can result in headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, and sleep disturbances.
• Excessive work commitments lead to social and personal disconnect. Employees who consistently sacrifice personal time for work face strained relationships with family and friends. They may miss important personal events, feel disconnected from loved ones, and experience feelings of guilt or resentment. Over time, this can create emotional numbness and social withdrawal, contributing to loneliness and depression.
• Anxiety disorders can also emerge. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) or panic attacks may develop when employees feel unable to escape the pressure of their workload.
• Depression, too, can happen when employees feel trapped in a cycle of overwork and under-recognition.

ALSO READ: Stress management strategies for a healthier brain and work-life balance

How to be assertive in workplace

Being assertive is important in the workplace. Don’t confuse assertiveness with being aggressive. By saying No politely, you are setting the boundaries for your own wellbeing. Saying yes all the time comes at the cost of your mental and physical health. Saying no in a professional setting needs to be in a respectful tone.

Dr Thomas shared these tips on how to be assertive in the workplace without ruining any professional relationships:

• Acknowledge the request: Start by expressing understanding and appreciation for the request. This shows that you are respectful and professional even when declining the task.
• Provide a clear explanation: Politely explain why you are unable to accommodate the request. Keep the explanation factual and professional, without over-apologizing or making excuses.
• Propose a solution or alternative: Offering a compromise helps maintain goodwill while setting boundaries. Suggest adjusting the deadline or redistributing the task if possible. For example: “I understand that this project is important, but I’m currently managing three other deadlines. Would it be possible to extend the timeline or have another team member assist with parts of the project?”
• Set clear boundaries: Be transparent about your workload and availability to prevent future misunderstandings. Communicate your working hours and reinforce that you are committed to delivering high-quality work within those limits.
• Be assertive, not aggressive: Maintain a confident tone without sounding confrontational. Keep the conversation focused on workload capacity rather than personal discomfort. For instance, “I’d be happy to work on this first thing tomorrow, but I’m unable to commit to it tonight.”

Dr Thomas concluded that letting go of people-pleasing has long-term mental health benefits, reducing stress and enhancing focus. Assertive employees gain control over their workload, preventing burnout. She illustrated this with an example: an employee who sets clear working hours and resists last-minute demands feels more in control, leading to better performance and greater job satisfaction.

ALSO READ: How to harness positivity from workplace stress?

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.