A good apology comes from the heart. In relationships, we often end up hurting people, without our knowledge or intention. However, the pain inflicted on others by us cannot have an excuse. An apology can heal most of it. A good apology helps in reviving the relationship back to its good health as well. When we apologise, we need to ensure that we should take full responsibility for the offence and the pain caused by us. Instead of finding loopholes to explain our behavior in our favour, we should concentrate on the wrongs we have done. Addressing the same, Family and Marriage Therapist Emily H Sanders wrote, “Avoid these common apology pitfalls. A good apology needs to acknowledge the offense directly and the pain that was caused.”
ALSO READ: Millennial apology fantasy: A forgiving twist in the tale
Emily further added a list of things that we must avoid in order to ensure that we give heartfelt apologies to other people, whom we have offended somehow. They are, as follows:
Overdoing it: Offering a heartfelt apology is a good way of letting the other person know that you are regretting your actions, but going on and on about it can take away the space and time from the other person to process it and be fine about it.
Using but: When we apologise and end up saying but, we end up justifying our wn behavior that caused pain to the other person. No matter what our reasons are, when we cause pain or offence to another person, we should be sorry about it.
Avoiding hard conversations: Sometimes we try to escape having a hard conversation by tossing an apology in it. However, this further causes more emotional damage.
Apology can hurt: Causing hurt to a person or breaking their boundaries to offer our apology is not a healthy way to carry forward the conversation. We should be mindful, aware and cautious of the other person’s feelings.
No intent of behavioral change: Even if after offering an apology, we do not wish to change our behavior and continue being the same, then the apology is invalid.
Push for forgiveness: Pushing the other person to forgive us after offering an apology, can rob the mind space and boundaries of them to process it in their own time.
