Boundaries are important in every relationship. While we should be mindful about setting boundaries, we also should know that there are certain things we cannot set boundaries around. “We can’t set boundaries on other people’s feelings. As much as we might want to stop someone from being upset with us, we can’t. They’ve got their own emotions and reactions, and that’s their territory, not ours. So, while setting boundaries is super important for our mental health and well-being, part of the deal is accepting that some things are just out of our hands. It’s about finding that balance between what we can control and what we just have to work with,” wrote Therapist Klara Kernig. The Therapist further noted down a few things we cannot set boundaries around:
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How others feel: No matter what we do, how others feel about us, or about certain situations are only in their control. Even though we would like them to feel good, we cannot, if they choose not to. We should learn to let go of the thought of trying to control other people and how they feel.
How others choose to spend their time: How others want to spend their time is absolutely their decision. In some cases, we may want them to spend their time with us or in a productive way, but we cannot do anything since it depends on them.
If others value our needs and feelings: Our needs and feelings are in our control, and we should be mindful about making them our priority. We cannot control the way others choose to feel about us or our needs. But we can ensure to make them our priority at all times.
What needs others have: We should be mindful listeners when others speak to us about their needs and expectations. But their needs and wants are entirely their decisions.
The actions and behaviours of others: How people choose to act, react, respond and behave is their way of expressing their emotions, and we cannot do much to set boundaries around that.
