Talk it out: Journaling or sharing thoughts with a friend can help to process feelings | India News

To help readers cope with their anxieties in these stressful times, TOI has launched Talk it Out, a series in which expert counsellors answer your mental health queries. This week’s advice is from counselling psychologist Sugandha Dewan

It is very natural to feel anxious in this situation, where you value both your relationship and the belief systems of your family. The conflict between the two can cause turbulence. While this is challenging, you can always consider some strategies to ground yourself better.
Begin by acknowledging your emotions without judgment. Consider journalling as a way to process these feelings—a “thought dump” can be cathartic. Alternatively, sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend or confidant may offer relief and perspective. Given the emotionally taxing nature of the situation, prioritize self-compassion by dedicating time each day to self-care. This could include mindfulness practices, listening to calming music or engaging in creative outlets to express your emotions.
If you decide to engage in a conversation with your parents, approach it with empathy and patience. Strive to understand their fears and concerns while also presenting your perspective. Highlight the shared values that strengthen your bond and the vision you have for a future together. Additionally, you can always reach out to a mental health professional.

My 16-year-old daughter is our only child and has been well-pampered and provided with everything she needs. However, she struggles with anxiety, becoming easily upset and overwhelmed by small things. She seeks attention and often tries to please people. She finds it difficult to handle others receiving praise and sees it as a challenge to herself. She longs to make friends but struggles to make one and has time management issues. She also lacks logical decision-making skills. How can I support her in managing her anxiety and developing better social, emotional, and cognitive skills?
— Anonymous

As a teenager, the journey of self-discovery can be challenging. Balancing the desire to fit in with the need for a space where one feels confident and understood often creates inner conflict. Anxiety is a completely valid emotion, regardless of age or the resources available. What may seem trivial to one person might carry significant emotional weight for another. She may benefit greatly from having a safe, non-judgmental space to share her feelings. During conversations about how she feels around others, she might simply need to be heard rather than offered immediate solutions. Validate her emotions by reassuring her that it’s okay to feel anxious. This approach can help build her confidence while fostering a deeper understanding of her experiences.
Gently remind her that her worth isn’t defined by external validation or comparisons. Celebrate both her small and significant efforts, emphasizing her growth. As for cognitive and time-management skills, ask if she needs support. That would encourage and help her prioritize tasks or break larger goals into manageable steps. This structured approach can help her develop independence and resilience over time.

I am a 13-year-old living separately from my father since 2022. My father has extramarital affairs, and when we confront him, he tortures and blackmails us, threatening to commit suicide if we say anything further. He exerts complete control over our lives. My mother is not very educated, and my brother and I are still in school. Despite urging my mother to consider divorce, she feels she has no option but to stay silent. Please help. Where can we seek support?
— Anonymous

Living with the awareness of your father’s extramarital relationship and enduring his unfair treatment toward your family can be deeply suffocating and emotionally overwhelming. It’s completely valid to feel helpless, especially when your mother is unable to seek support. Your feelings matter, and prioritizing the safety and well-being of you and your family is of utmost importance. I encourage you to reach out to a school counsellor or a trusted teacher who can help connect you with child protection services or directly call the Child Helpline at 1098. Additionally, staying in touch with the school counsellor can offer you a safe space to share your emotions and develop strategies to navigate daily challenges.
Encouraging your mother to connect with local women’s support groups can also help her feel less isolated and provide access to resources that empower. Additionally, if you trust another adult in the family who can support your mother, she can evaluate sharing it with them. You might also consider reaching out to the National Commission for Women where they have access to legal aid and support for women in distress.