Stop fixing your child, start feeling: Transform your parenting approach with these 5 tips

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr Preeti Singh, Chief Medical Officer at Lissun and Senior Consultant Clinical Psychology, recommended five actionable tips to help foster a deeper connection with your child –

1. Prioritise understanding over fixing

When your child is upset, the instinct to jump in and solve the problem is natural. However, focusing on fixing can inadvertently teach your child that their feelings are something to be “fixed” or dismissed. Instead:

• Pause and Acknowledge: Let your child know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. Phrases like, “I see you’re upset; do you want to talk about it?” can help.
• Be Curious: Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective. Avoid assumptions.
• Validate Emotions: Say things like, “It’s okay to feel sad,” or “That sounds really frustrating.” This teaches your child that emotions are normal and manageable.
• Avoid Rushing: If they put on a brave front, let them know it’s okay not to be okay around you. Create an environment where vulnerability is seen as a strength.

2. Model healthy boundaries and ground rules

Children learn the most by observing, so demonstrating healthy boundaries is key. Boundaries teach self-respect and respect for others.

• Be Consistent: Clearly communicate rules and expectations (e.g., regarding screen time or mealtime). Stick to them calmly, even if met with resistance.
• Teach “Yes” and “No”: Show your child that saying “no” doesn’t make them bad or unkind, and that saying “yes” comes from a place of willingness, not obligation.
• Set Personal Boundaries: Share examples of your own boundaries, like saying, “I need some quiet time right now, but we can talk after dinner.”
• Encourage Autonomy: Give your child age-appropriate opportunities to make choices and respect their decisions when possible.

3. Foster a body-neutral and gender-neutral environment

In a world filled with stereotypes, creating an inclusive and accepting space allows your child to grow into their authentic self.

• Avoid Critiques of Appearance: Avoid comments (positive or negative) about weight, body shape, or physical features. Focus on strengths, abilities, and character.
• Challenge Stereotypes: Encourage interests regardless of gender norms (e.g., letting boys enjoy cooking or girls pursue sports).
• Use Inclusive Language: Opt for words that don’t reinforce traditional gender roles, such as “person” instead of “boy/girl” where appropriate.
• Encourage Self-Expression: Allow your child to explore their identity without judgment or pressure. Be a supportive sounding board.

4. Manage digital health

Technology is a powerful tool but can become harmful when unchecked.

• Set Limits: Create family rules around screen time, device usage during meals, and technology-free zones (e.g., bedrooms).
• Teach Digital Responsibility: Discuss topics like online safety, cyberbullying, and the risks of excessive screen use.
• Monitor Content: Keep an eye on what your child is consuming—games, videos, and social media—and discuss it openly.
• Prioritise Sleep: Ensure devices are turned off at least an hour before bedtime to promote healthy sleep patterns.
• Lead by Example: Model balanced screen usage and explain the benefits of unplugging.

5. Be a present listener

Listening actively and non-judgmentally strengthens your relationship with your child and builds trust.

• Give Them Your Full Attention: Put aside distractions like phones or work when your child wants to talk.
• Paraphrase to Show Understanding: Repeat back what they’ve shared (e.g., “So you felt left out when your friends didn’t invite you?”).
• Ask Questions Without Leading: Use open-ended questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think would help?”
• Resist Judging or Fixing: Avoid offering solutions unless they ask. Sometimes, they just need someone to listen.

Ultimately, parenting with mindfulness and empathy creates a lasting, positive impact on your child’s self-esteem, emotional resilience and sense of worth.