When we are brought up in dysfunctional homes, we start to grow differently than others. We do not have the maturity that we need for age. This further leads to emotional enmeshment – where we start to be over concerned for others and diffuse our own boundaries. This also leads to estrangement from our autonomous properties. Addressing the journey of healing from childhood trauma, Psychologist Nicole LePera shared how healing works – “Healing is really about re-raising ourselves into autonomous adults. Autonomous adults know their limits, their boundaries, they speak their truths (respectfully), and they understand it’s ok to disappoint other people.”
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Nicole further shared a few traits of autonomous adults that help them in navigating through life in a healthier way:
Boundaries: Autonomous adults understand the importance of boundaries and how they should be clearly set in order to protect their own mental peace. Hence, they respect their own boundaries and never let anyone cross that.
Mistakes: Childhood trauma can make people crumble under the pressure of knowing that they have made a mistake. However, healing ensures that people learn to understand that mistakes are common and getting over them means positive growth.
Control: Autonomous adults are head-strong and refuse to be controlled or manipulated by others. They have a clear understanding of the situation and the actions that should be taken which are healthy for themselves.
Trust: They know what is best for their own well-being and believe in putting themselves first before anything else. They also have a clear understanding of their own capabilities, and they trust themselves.
Peace: Protecting their own peace is of utmost importance for autonomous adults. They believe, no matter what, their own peace should not be affected.
Assert: They are positive in nature and can express themselves in healthy ways to others. They also understand that they may disappoint others in the process, and that is okay.
Terms: They understand their own terms and build life according to their own vision and comfort.