When we are securely attached to someone, we are more in control of the way we react. Triggers are common in any relationship, and being aware of them helps in navigating through hard times and knowing how to respond. “Being insecurely attached does not mean you’re a bad or less worthy person — it’s an indication that you may not have been taught healthy ways to cope and adapted alternative mechanisms to help you get by. Here’s some good news though: if you can learn behaviors, you can also unlearn them,” wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi as she explained how to securely respond to triggers.
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Communication: Triggers can affect anyone. While it is important to know our own triggers and find ways to respond in a healthy way when we feel triggered, sometimes we may need a break to gather ourselves and respond. While we do so, we should communicate the same to the other person so that they are not left in the dark to assume. One of the healthy ways to respond is to communicate the same to the other person.
Respect: It is natural for a person to feel frustrated when they are triggered. But a person who is securely attached will know the boundaries of his/her own behavior and refrain from showing disrespect or contempt to the other person.
Boundaries: Boundaries are very important as they help us in maintaining our own peace of mind. It also helps in understanding the things that we need and the things that we do not. When we feel triggered, we should always be mindful of not crossing our own boundaries or that of others. Agreeing to disagree is a healthy way of carrying forward a relationship where two people can have contrasting opinions.
Empathy: Learning to be empathetic will help us to respond to any situation in a healthy manner. Our needs may not be met by one person constantly but when we are full of empathy and consideration, we can have a healthy relationship.
Accountability: Mistakes are natural, but knowing how to be accountable for the mistakes made by us helps in repairing the damage.
