Relationship icks: Are the irritating moments deal breaker red flags or just something to laugh about?
Relationship icks are those moments when you cringe at your partner’s behaviour. It can be anything from chewing too loudly to making problematic ‘sigma chad’ jokes. These icks lie on a spectrum, sometimes, you find the quirks endearing; other times, a sliver of doubt clouds your mind at the hint of possible incompatibility. Questions arise at this crossroads. Are these icks just a phase, something that gradually grows over you, or do they worsen over time, putting your mental health at risk and forcing you to compromise and adjust? It is important to identify the difference whether the ick is just a casual irritation or a big red flag.
HT Lifestyle reached out to some experts who weighed in on how to figure out the differences between temporary turn-offs and ulterior incompatibilities based off the relationship icks.
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What do relationship icks mean?
Dr Chandni Tugnait, Relationship Expert for Tinder in India said, “Relationship ‘icks’ are those subtle turn-offs that can quickly dampen attraction. For example, a generic bio or constant phone-checking might trigger an ‘ick’, a recent Tinder in-app survey found that 41%1 of young female users dislike clichéd bios, while 36% value undivided attention on a date. An ‘ick’ can be subjective – it could be commonly accepted like poor hygiene or uncommon like an uncommon food habit. Though they may seem minor, these ‘icks’ reflect personal preferences and boundaries that shape one’s dating choices.”
But is ick a medically recognised condition? No, it is more of a social and psychological phenomenon, shaped by personal preferences and pop cultural influences.
Explaining more on its origin Radhika Bapat, Clinical Psychologist added, “The term ‘ick,’ denoting a sudden, intense feeling of aversion towards a romantic partner, has gained widespread currency in online communities. Often triggered by seemingly trivial behaviours (e.g., a partner’s loud chewing or lip-smacking while eating), the ‘ick’ is neither a clinical diagnosis nor a medically recognized condition. Rather, it has emerged as a popular cultural phenomenon, amplified by online communities and television shows like ‘Ally McBeal,’ ‘Sex and the City,’ and ‘Seinfeld”’ (the episode where Seinfeld’s date eats one green pea at a time). Online chats and blogs discuss at length how these seemingly minor irritations can irritate people and impact dating and relationships, at times even leading individuals to question compatibility.”
Are relationship icks just cute quirks or show incompatibility?
Are icks just to cringe and laugh over or something serious? Is the cringe moment showing a big mismatch in values, habits and interests? Is it something you brush off or something that shouldn’t be ignored?
Weighing on this, Dr Chandni Tugnait revealed, “Icks can go both ways, they can be harmless quirks that grow on you or red flags that reveal deeper incompatibilities. It all depends on how they impact your connection. Some ‘icks,’ like mismatched socks or a quirky laugh, might just be personal preferences. But others, like uncertainty about dating intent or a lack of respect, could signal fundamental differences in values or communication styles. Interestingly, 89% of young singles in India say that alignment in dating intent and relationship goals is critical in choosing a partner. The key is figuring out whether it’s something you can embrace or a deal-breaker that’s hard to overlook.”
When should you draw the line?
With so much of the ick falling into a grey area, it can be tricky to decide when to draw the line.
Dr Chandni Tugnait explained, “Small things, like an unusual laugh or an obsession with pineapple on pizza, are often harmless and might even become endearing over time. But if an ‘ick’ points to a lack of respect, emotional unavailability, or values that don’t align, it could be a sign of a more fundamental mismatch. The key is to ask yourself, is this just a personal preference, or does it affect my comfort, boundaries, or long-term compatibility? If it’s the latter, it might be worth reconsidering the connection. Tinder’s Year in Swipe 2024 reveals that bad hygiene (50%), rudeness (44%), and talking too much about an ex (34%) are major turn-offs or ‘icks’ that many singles won’t tolerate, which may signal that such traits are deal-breakers.”
Can icks be resolved or should one call it quits?
So, do you end it, or is an ick just another bump on the road? Do you work it through? Or do you call out as a last resort before you end the relationship?
Dr Tugnail revealed, “Whether ‘icks’ can be worked through depends on their nature and both partners’ willingness to address them. Minor quirks or misunderstandings can often be resolved with open communication, especially if they don’t clash with core values. However, when they do, it can be more challenging. For instance, 82% of young singles in India say that mental well-being is a priority in a relationship, and 77% say they will not compromise on self-care practices or boundaries. If an ‘ick’ disrupts these, it may be a sign that it’s not just a minor annoyance but a deeper incompatibility.”
Lastly, she concluded that if an ick stems from deeper issues, such as constant negativity or disrespect and persists despite open communication, ending the relationship may be the better option.
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