Relationships are an essential part of our lives and can bring immense joy, happiness, and fulfilment. However, they can also cause stress, anxiety, and uncertainty, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy and stable partnership. Relationship anxiety is a common experience that affects many people and can manifest in various ways, such as constant worry, distrust, fear of rejection, and more. But if it becomes excessive and persistent, it can impact the quality of your relationship and overall well-being. Whether you are in a new or established relationship, understanding and addressing relationship anxiety can be a crucial step towards building a strong and resilient partnership. (Also read: How relationship anxiety could play havoc with your love life )
“Your feeling of loving and being loved in adulthood mirrors your earliest attachment experiences. If your earliest connections felt insecure, untrustworthy, or unpredictable; you will have a valid reason to mistrust connection as an adult. Even though relationship anxiety looks different for everyone, here are some common ways the echoes of past attachment might show up in present relationships,” says, Jordan Dann, Psychoanalyst and relationship coach, in her recent Instagram post. She further suggested some common signs of relationship anxiety.
1. Fear of abandonment
You find yourself uncertain if your partner is committed or not, which leaves you feeling a lack of trust and relaxation in the relationship. This might stop you from expressing your needs, sharing your frustrations, or acting independently due to a feeling of having to stay connected to your partner and agreeable at all times.
2. Preoccupation with how your partner feels about you
You might find yourself wondering if you are important to your partner, wondering if they will be responsive, committed, and available. You might experience hypervigilance with your partner’s behaviour and moods, or find yourself telling yourself stories about how untrustworthy your partner is.
3. Constant need for validation
We all want to feel seen, heard, and understood. Feeling validated, and being able to validate your partner, is an important relational skill. However, if you rely solely on validation from others for your self-esteem, this is a form of dependency. Others’ validation is an unquenchable thirst because the validation you are most seeking is from yourself, to yourself.
4. Doubting your partner’s feelings about you
Your partner might offer reassurance in the form of telling you that they care, but some part of you finds it difficult to trust them. You might find yourself overanalyzing your partner’s behaviour, and trying to determine your sense of safety and security.
5. Questioning compatibility or feeling critical of your partner
When we experience anxiety, it is a part of us that is trying to keep us safe. If being close feels scary because we fear being hurt, one way we might have learned to protect ourselves is to feed doubts about our partner or become overly critical. This can end up distancing us, or even ending the relationship because of the vulnerability and resulting anxiety we feel from being close.
6. Relationship sabotage
Being in a relationship is inherently vulnerable, and that is part of the beauty of intimacy. However, if vulnerability feels dangerous, you might end up engaging in behaviour that prematurely ends a relationship. You might become critical, controlling, or act out with flirtatious behaviour or engage in another relationship.
