It is so important to be aware of and respond to red flags. Your ability to detect “red flags” may be negatively impacted by past experiences of a toxic relationship, and dynamics in your childhood that you learned to perceive as “normal” or “typical” in relationships but you can re-learn what “healthy” relationship dynamics look like. Identifying red flags is an essential tool to keep you safe during the early dating/relationship phase so that you avoid tolerating behaviour that makes you uncomfortable or behaviour that is not aligned with your values and standards. (Also read: Relationship tips: 7 things to remember for healthier dating )
“Create a list of behaviour that you consider to be a red flag / your non-negotiables before you begin dating because once you are with someone, it can be more difficult to discern these things as we can become blinded by the chemistry and attraction. If you notice a red flag, you must then decide what to do about it. You need a roadmap and a plan so that you don’t enter the dating world blindly,” says, Erica Turner, Relationship and Dating Coach in her recent Instagram post. She further suggested red flag behaviours to be aware of while dating.
Dating red-flag behaviours:
1. They avoid conflict and do not want to talk through problems.
2. Little respect for differences, become annoyed or dismissive of differing thoughts/opinions.
3. Denies, distorts or ignores reality to make it fit their agenda or allow them to avoid taking accountability for hurtful/toxic behaviour.
4. Little consideration for what you think, want, need, or prefer. Their concern is primarily focused on what they want and they expect you to adjust/accommodate to their preferences, with little compromising on their end.
5. Find it difficult to manage their emotions or de-escalate, and blames their feelings on others.
6. They become upset, withdrawn, or negative if they have interests, hobbies, or friendships that do not include them.
7. Rigid and single-minded, once they form an opinion, their minds are closed to that one answer.
8. Do not respect your boundaries, they become upset when you have wants a needs that are not aligned with what they want.
9. Blame others for their mood and do not take accountability for taking care of their emotions or meeting their own needs.
10. Egocentric, self-preoccupied, does not ask you questions or take much interest in really getting to know you.
11. Difficulty admitting mistakes, does not respond well to constructive criticism being called out on areas of concern.
12. Struggle to be self-reflective (they don’t seek to gain awareness or understanding of themselves).
