Often in relationships, the behavior of the other person or a situation can make us feel triggered. Sometimes it happens because of the past experiences that we have been through or due to the current functioning of emotions. “Triggers are almost always an indication of your past grievances as well as your current functioning (e.g., your capacity, ability to process, regulate). If you want to learn how to better manage your emotions in your relationship, start by reflecting on the source of your triggers – what’s the emotion behind your reaction,” wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi as she explained the reasons why we feel triggered in a relationship.
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Internalisation: Sometimes we get so connected to the attitude or the behavior of the other person, that we start to overthink everything that they tell or do. Hence, it affects us more than it should.
Seen or heard: When we do not feel seen or heard in our relationships or in daily conversations, it can act as a major trigger for us to behave differently to claim the attention that we deserve.
Guess needs: In this type of trigger, we expect the other person to read our minds and know what we are looking for. When they fail to do so, we get triggered. However, in relationships, the guessing game does not work – in fact, it is important to have clear communication on the needs, wants and expectations that we have.
Trust: Sometimes due to past experiences, we may face difficulties in trusting the other person. Hence, even when they do something that may cause us minor inconvenience, we start to blame them and think of the worst-case scenarios.
Unappreciated: We do not feel appreciated and acknowledged enough in the relationship and that can act as a major trigger for us.
Core needs: When the core needs in the relationship – such as love, reliability and the need for space – are not met by the other person, it can also trigger us.