New Year’s resolutions getting you down? Try an In and Out list instead

If you’re already stressed out about the progress you’re making on your New Year’s resolutions, you may want to try a new way of declaring your intentions for 2023: the In and Out list.

An In and Out list can include whatever you want, but many combine elements of objective-based resolutions with a broader range of trends or goals.

They also share some DNA with trend lists commonly offered by media outlets at the beginning of a new year or a new season, opining on what’s hot and what’s not in such categories as pop culture, food and fashion.

In and Out lists aren’t brand new — the Washington Post has been doing them since 1978, “gathering ideas and contributions from Post staffers and outside observers.” Its latest edition is full of tongue-in-cheek culture checkpoints you may or may not already be familiar with (for example: chagaccinos are out, while yaupon tea is in).

Rachel Syme, a writer for The New Yorker magazine, says she isn’t surprised to see In and Out lists put a twist on the classic New Year’s resolution formula.

“Resolutions don’t really work. They’re just this sort of idealized idea of a better self that you could be in the new year, and they quickly end by February. Whereas an In and Out list is a fun thinking [and] writing exercise about things that you like, don’t like, energy you want to bring into the new year,” she told The Sunday Magazine.

“It’s much more personalized than resolutions in a strange way.”

Last year was a particularly tough time for many to see through an ambitious 365-day resolution, says Scaachi Koul a Canadian culture writer with BuzzFeed.

“It seemed like maybe last year just kicked everybody’s asses, and so nobody felt like they wanted to make resolutions,” she said.

“Resolutions sort of suggest that you have any control over anything that’s happening to you. For me, it became very clear last year that I had no control over anything.”

A study from 2020 seems to corroborate this. Researchers surveyed more than 1,000 people about their New Year’s resolutions, and after a one-year followup, 55 per cent said they considered themselves successful in maintaining them.

Culture writer Elamin Abdelmahmoud read every In and Out list he came across online this year.

“This is a time of year that is filled with hope, filled with potential, filled with people articulating their best intentions for themselves,” said Abdelmahmoud, host of the CBC podcast Pop Chat and of CBC Radio’s forthcoming show Commotion.

“It actually doesn’t matter if those intentions come true or not. What matters is people take a bit of time to say: What is the kind of person I would like to be in this coming year?”

To that end, Abdelmahmoud only made an In list for himself, with no Outs.

“I decided to make an Ins list because, honestly, resolutions feel really formal. Instead, I thought, ‘What about a few things that I would like to invite into my life?'” he said.

What’s in

In-person gatherings are high on Abdelmahmoud’s Ins list, as pandemic restrictions become a thing of the past in many parts of the world.

“Man, I miss community. I miss the feeling of people gathering kind of spontaneously, people just hanging out and being in each other’s airspace,” he said.

Syme put dinner parties with an “interesting mix” of guests on her Ins list: being more intentional about inviting people who may not already know each other, but you think could stimulate great conversations in the same room together.

“I think it’s about being more intentional about who you invite and where you sit people,” she explained.

One of Koul’s top Ins, after nearly three years of life during a pandemic, is simple.

“Go to therapy. Just go. You don’t have to say anything. You can sit there. If you want to spend $80 and just sit there, that is your right. But you do have to go,” she said.

Another important In for Koul: calling your mother.

“Don’t make the mistake of calling her because you want her to make you feel better about something. That is an error. Just call her and say hi.”

What’s out

Syme said she’s trying to put “unabashed negativity” on her Outs list once and for all, though she notes that working on the Outs list may be harder than the Ins list.

“Pushing things away is a lot more difficult and a lot more unwieldy,” she said.

Abdelmahmoud bent his “Ins, no Outs” rule to advocate getting rid of quick showers in exchange for long ones.

“You don’t need a quick shower. What you need is a luxuriously long shower for you to enjoy yourself. Have a moment with your thoughts. Maybe play a song. Like, play Proud Mary. You know, the Tina Turner version,” he said.

Koul’s top Out? Capitalism.

“Did it get you anything last year? No? OK. Don’t do it again.”