A man recently proposed to his girlfriend as she crossed the finish line of a marathon, and if this sounds familiar it’s because it’s not the first, 50th or probably even the 100th time it’s happened.
And while U.K. runner and TikToker Sarah John describes it as an “incredible moment” and reacts joyfully in her video — which has been viewed 2.3 million times since she posted it last week — the proposal, one of seemingly countless similar public proclamations over the years, has sparked debate and fury online.
“I mean, clearly she’s happy but nah, this is so selfish. Any other moment, any, but he chooses this moment to make himself the focal point,” commented one viewer.
“Am I the only one who thought he stole her moment?” wrote another.
There’s been a rash of public proposals toward female runners in the last decade at least. It seems like for every woman crossing a finish line, there’s a man getting down on one knee. The moments captured in viral videos are often joyful and excited: a cheering crowd, a shocked runner, a ring, and an embrace.
But for many observers, marathon proposals are about men stealing the spotlight and moment a woman accomplishes a major personal goal — in this case, training for months to run a gruelling 42.195 kilometres.
“‘How do I make this all about me’ moment,” wrote another commenter on John’s video.
“Should’ve let her have her moment to reflect and celebrate HER achievement, that proposal could’ve waited another day!” added another.
There were similar criticisms during last year’s Paris Olympics after a rash of proposals, including Liu Yuchen proposing to teammate Huang Ya Qiong after she won gold at the mixed doubles badminton final match, and French women’s skiff sailors Sarah Steyaert and Charline Picon returning to shore after winning bronze to each of their respective partners getting down on one knee.
“Proposing to me after I win gold?? Baby you’ll never hear from me again! Had to make it about you,” wrote WNBA player Sydney Colson in response to Huang’s case.
Highlighting the contributions of men
This trend may have stemmed from the tendency of media outlets to highlight the contributions of male partners and coaches when women athletes have been successful, says Michelle Donnelly, an associate professor in the department of sport management at Brock University, in St. Catharines, Ont.
As an example, she points to Hungarian swimmer Katinka Hosszú, who won gold at the 2016 Rio Olympics — but the media focused on her husband and coach. In those same Games, a tweet by the Chicago Tribune referred to trap U.S. shooting bronze medallist Corey Cogdell only as the “wife of a Bears’ lineman,” and not by her own name.
“It’s possible that this… contributes to the sense among men that the conclusion of a major sporting event, such as a marathon, is a reasonable time to propose to their athlete partner,” Donnelly told CBC News.
To train for a marathon is a physical and mental feat due to its duration. As Very Well Health points out, after the two-hour mark of running, the body runs out of carbohydrates and glycogen and begins burning fat stores for fuel. This further depletes the runner’s energy.
Generally, women weren’t even allowed to compete in U.S. marathons until the 1970s (although some did, anyway) and the Olympics only added a women’s marathon in 1984. That year, Joan Benoit won gold with a time of 2:24.52.
‘For me and me alone’
It’s less simple to pinpoint the first marathon proposal. They seemed to pick up steam in the news between 2013 and 2018, and despite the criticism (including articles in 2018 about why men should not do this, followed by more men doing this in 2019), continue to this day.
“On marathon day, I will stop for no one — not even someone with a diamond ring,” wrote runner Helen Morrissey in a 2018 article in the New Statesman.
“You may think I’m being unreasonable, but for me marathon day is the culmination of several months of hard training. I run endless miles on cold, dark, rainy mornings, usually with a goal time in mind — it’s a huge experience.”
“It’s probably the one thing in life I do for me and me alone,” she wrote.
Last year, personal trainer Luciana Grandi Lourenção, dubbed “marathon mom,” made headlines around the world after a video showed her running around her children to win the Presidente Prudente Half Marathon in Brazil. Her husband had pushed her young daughters onto the course to join her.
The video went viral and the comments were heated, with some blaming the dad for “sabotaging” his wife’s moment, some saying Lourenção ignored her kids. Lots of people said the video really represents how men don’t take women’s commitments outside the family seriously.
The Detroit Free Press Marathon, the annual international race that takes runners across two international borders and along Windsor’s riverfront, is now sold out — the earliest the marathon, and its international half-marathon, have ever filled up. Even as tariff threats from the United States have slowed cross-border traffic, Canadians are still signing up. The CBC’s Pratyush Dayal reports.
‘Incredible moment’
In the most recent video making the rounds online, John had just finished the marathon at the 2024 Long Course weekend in Wales. While she had originally posted the video in June last year, writing “started the marathon as a girlfriend, finished it as a fiancé,” she posted it again on March 13. This time, it went viral.
“No I’m still not over this incredible moment,” she wrote in the description, adding in another comment that her fiancé is her “biggest supporter always.”
In response to some of the more critical comments about him stealing her moment, John agreed with another person that, in fact, her boyfriend heightened her moment.
“Exactly this. He knows how important running is to me and it was the most thoughtful, perfect proposal I could’ve imagined,” she wrote.
Donnelly agrees this specific proposal appears more nuanced, noting the runner’s positive reaction, and pointing out that her boyfriend reminded her to stop her watch before he popped the question. All this suggests he’s invested in her running, and doesn’t want to interfere with her race, she said.
“Like any hugely public proposal made into a spectacle, I also feel a lot of ‘ick’ about marathon proposals,” Donnelly said.
But she added: “One might say that not all marathon proposals are created equal.”