Love That Heals vs. Love That Hurts: Understanding Healthy And Toxic Relationships For Teenagers | Relationships News
Growing up watching Bollywood romances where intensity, jealousy, and emotional turmoil are mistaken for passion. How many times have we heard lines like “If you love me, you will do as I say”? Or seen heroes stalking heroines until they finally give in?
These stories shape our idea of love, but in reality, love isn’t about control or emotional drama; it’s about respect, trust, and growth. Urvashi Musale, Child & Teen Behavioural Expert and Founder of ProParent.
The Psychology of Love: Security vs. Fear
A healthy relationship is built on secure attachment; a term psychologists use to describe relationships where both partners feel emotionally safe. Secure love feels like home, where you can be yourself without any fear of judgment. It’s the kind of love where disagreements don’t turn into threats of leaving, where you aren’t constantly second-guessing yourself, and where you feel supported in your personal growth.
On the other hand, toxic relationships stem from insecure attachment, where love feels more like a test. There’s always an underlying anxiety, “Will they leave me if I don’t do what they want?” or “Why do I feel so guilty all the time?” Toxic love is so unpredictable, swinging between extreme highs and painful lows. One day, you’re their whole world; the next, they make you feel like you’re a burden.
When Love Controls You
Say you’re in a relationship where your partner constantly checks your phone, questions you about male/female colleagues, and guilt-trips you for spending time with your friends. If you protested, they’d say, “I only do this because I love you. Don’t you love me?” And over time, you would stop meeting friends, give up your hobbies, and feel trapped; but you would keep telling yourself it was “normal.”
This is toxic love, disguised as care, but rooted in control. Love shouldn’t make you shrink yourself to keep someone else happy.
How to Break Free from Toxic Love
One of the hardest things about being in a toxic relationship is that it doesn’t always feel toxic at first. The manipulation can be subtle, starting with small compromises that eventually make you lose yourself. If you find yourself constantly feeling anxious, guilty, or isolated in a relationship, take a step back and ask:
- Do I feel like I can express myself without fear in this relationship?
- Do I feel supported by my partner in my personal growth?
- Am I constantly justifying their bad behaviour?
If the answer to any of these is “no,” it might be time to rethink the relationship. Seeking support from friends, family, or even a therapist can help you see things more clearly. India now has increasing mental health awareness, with organizations like iCall (ICall) and Snehi (Snehi) providing confidential helplines for those struggling with relationship distress.
Love Should Heal, Not Hurt
Love isn’t supposed to feel like a battle. It shouldn’t leave you questioning your worth or make you feel like you’re never enough. A loving relationship is one where you feel safe, seen, and valued; not controlled, criticized, or drained.
