It can be annoying, humiliating, and upsetting when your child constantly hits. It causes a sense of despair and guilt for some parents. Being the parent of a child who hits other kids on the playground or at daycare can be uncomfortable, and you might be wondering what solutions are most effective in resolving this issue. On the other hand, your child can start striking you or a sibling out of the blue, leaving you to suffer in silence and worry if you did something wrong. Many parents view it as evidence of poor parenting. The secret to stopping your child from hitting is how you react to it. Whether your child is hitting you or others, there are clear steps you can take to resolve the problem.
(Also read: Tips for parents to manage anger issues or temper tantrums in kids )
“Very often, children simply lack the maturity not to hit. This rings true for a 1-year-old just as it does for a 7-year-old. Even if it seems a child “should” be mature enough not to hit, it is worth noting that if the child could consistently refrain from hitting and find an alternative way to meet their needs, they would. Does this mean you have to wait it out? Not at all. It means that more observation is needed to help figure out what gets in the way of children not hitting. What skills need to be worked on? As new skills are practised to meet the child’s needs, they become less reliant on hitting.” says Alexandra Borisevich, Early Childhood Educator and Child Parenting Expert in her Instagram post.
Why children hit:
- They are simple, not mature enough not to hit. As they mature, and more appropriate ways to get their needs met are modelled to them, they will eventually stop.
- Hitting may be getting them something that they want (Ex. a reaction, access to a toy, etc)
- They may still be working on developing the impulse control necessary to change their behaviour.
- Hitting may be their way of expressing anger or frustration. As language skills develop, the hitting may subside.
- They may be overstimulated or otherwise find their environment stressful.
Tips to deal with it:
- Getting to the underlying root cause is best done through a lot of observation.
- Stop the behaviour before or as soon as it happens.
- Use short sentences, in a calm voice. Ex- “I won’t let you hit.”
- Teach alternative coping strategies. Ex- Feet stomping.
- Introduce a feelings vocabulary to express anger, frustration, boredom etc.
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