Important conversations you need to have before getting married, even if they are uncomfortable
Marrying your long-time beau can seem fairytale-esque. With wedding bells, sharing vows, and twirling with your newlywed at dream destinations, marriage appears to embody the quintessential happily ever after, straight from fairytales. You may be the apple of each other’s eyes, but do you truly see eye to eye with your beau? Marriage is a life-altering event, not merely a checkbox on life’s journey. This union of two people and two families creates new paths and experiences.
Honesty and open communication are key prerequisites before tying the knot. Love can feel intoxicating and exhilarating. However, beware not to get so intoxicated that the hangover becomes unbearable and unmanageable, and before you know it, you are falling apart. Through simple, open conversations, even if they are awkward, your marriage can gain greater longevity and a longer shelf life. Approach these discussions with an open mind and try to understand each other with empathy. You don’t have to agree with each other on everything, simply navigate toward finding the common ground. Don’t let love sugarcoat your words. Learn to call a spade a spade, it will always save you from future hiccups in your marital life.
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Family Management and Planning
Unlike relationships where you exist in isolated bubbles, marriage brings together two families. Open communication about your family members, their red flags, and their backgrounds is absolutely crucial and non-negotiable. Keeping your partner in the dark, believing they’ll accept you or your family’s shortcomings after marriage, is a recipe for potential divorce. Just like surprises aren’t always welcome (except birthday parties and free gifts!), discuss your family transparently.
Be upfront about your desires for family planning, whether to have children, or not to have any. If children are on the list, discuss the ideal family size and how it aligns with your career goals. Share your career ambitions and where you see yourself in five years, both professionally and in terms of family. Finally, consider discussing birth control options as well.
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Finances
Having a conversation about money matters, even if it’s uncomfortable. Financial stability is important, which is why being on the same page regarding finances is crucial. First, discuss your income details and how you will manage finances, whether in separate accounts or a new joint account. Also, be transparent about any financial burdens, such as debt or student loans. Discuss your financial priorities and goals, whether it’s saving or spending. Be open with each other about your financial habits, like frugal budgeting or your retail therapy’s extravagant splurging. If you two are on the same page regarding having children, then discuss your child’s future, such as opening an FD account. Reaching an agreement on how to manage and plan your finances will be a strong foundation for your marriage.
Long-term retirement plans, like retirement savings and desired retirement age, should also be discussed. Develop a basic plan, or at least a vision, for how you intend to manage your finances five to ten years down the line.
Lifestyle
Lifestyle is a way of life, and after marriage, you become a part of your partner’s way of life. So it goes without saying that honesty is the first step to marriage. If there’s any illness, physical or mental, it should be disclosed without any qualms. Or if there’s an addiction to unhealthy substances like smoking or incessant drinking, it all should be acknowledged and informed. Your daily routine, like are you a night owl or morning bird, or your eating habits, like do you eat Maggi with ketchup or pizza with pineapple, yes however embarrassing you need to come clean to your partner.
Since both of you will be putting down your roots together, discuss your ideal living environment: whether it’s a bustling metropolitan area or a quiet town. Most importantly, share your personality quirks and shortcomings; it’s important to lay all your cards on the table. If your partner doesn’t accept you for who you are, then it’s likely the marriage will not work out anyway. Uncomfortable conversation like this can help you dodge bullets or find your other half.
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