Our upbringing and the circumstances of childhood help in moulding the adult relationships in the later stages of our lives. However, when we are brought up in dysfunctional homes where our emotions are not met during the childhood, we instill the feeling in us that we are not worthy of attention. Hence, this leads to shaping us to being people pleasers as we grow up. тАЬPeople pleasing is the fawn trauma response. ItтАЩs important to be compassionate to yourself as you heal from this patternтАФ at one time it kept you safe,тАЭ Psychologist Nicole LePera wrote in her latest Instagram post and addressed the signs of people pleasing and how to overcome it.
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People pleasing can be extremely harmful for our mental health. As we always learn to put others before ourselves, we grow the immense urge to betray ourselves. We also fill ourselves with resentment and unhealthy anger, and the sense of being taken advantage of. Nicole noted down the signs which looks like people pleasing and is actually a trauma response in reality.
Anger: the inability to express healthy anger in a healthy format and a deep fear of conflict or combat can look like people pleasing.
Yes or no: Sometimes we are not ready to perform a task or do something, however, we end up saying yes to the same, instead of saying no, just to satisfy the other person.
Over explanation: The chronic behavior of over explaining ourselves or over apologising for a mistake is people pleasing attitude.
Opinions: When we are people pleasers, we do not know how to express our own opinions. This can also stem from the fact that we do not want the other person to be disappointed in us.
How do we overcome people pleasing:
Disappointment: Remembering that upsetting or disappointing others is a part of life, and sometimes out of our control.
Boundaries: Setting boundaries in relationships are important and healthy тАУ it has nothing to do with offending the partner.
Needs: We are worthy, and our needs, wants and opinions are equally important. Also, we should remember that our worth does not depend on the approval from others.
