How to stop fighting about money with your partner

From partners keeping secret savings accounts to people feeling anxious about not earning enough, it’s no wonder money has long been a taboo topic of discussion.

From partners keeping secret savings accounts to people feeling anxious about not earning enough, it’s no wonder money has long been a taboo topic of discussion.

It’s destroyed family ties and countless friendships and has caused many to be shifty about their salaries, savings and spending.

In fact, a recent survey by Canstar found that more than a quarter of Australians have fallen out or severed ties with someone over money.

Of 1049 respondents surveyed, 39 per cent have fallen out with a friend, 38 per cent say they’ve fought with a relative and 10 per cent have cut ties with a colleague.

The average amount that people have fought over is $4300 and as little as $10, the comparison site found.

Severing ties with a partner over money has proved to be more common among Millennials, at 34 per cent of respondents compared to just 28 per cent of the nation.

“Fights over money can stem from big life changes such as losing a job or gaining an inheritance all the way through to small events as simple as arguing over how to split the bill at a restaurant,” Canstar money expert Ellie McLachlan says.

“Couples with differing approaches to money can feel the strain when they are sharing their finances for the first time in a new relationship or when one partner feels the other partner isn’t pulling their weight financially.”

Committed couples may share a bed, yet some draw the line at mixing love and money.

New data by eharmony shows that 58 per cent of Australian couples claim finances are a major cause of conflict within their relationship, while one in five still keep their finances separate.

It also found that 14 per cent admit to hiding finances from their partners, including credit cards, bank accounts or other personal debts.

After her uncle passed away, Nicole was reluctant to share her inheritance with her partner Rohan.

“I was unsure whether I wanted to share the money. I ended up keeping an amount for myself and putting a certain amount into an offset account,” she says.

“I also have a share portfolio and I like to keep that account private. Rohan doesn’t know the exact amount I have invested.”

Losing her job last year while buying their first home intensified Nicole’s financial insecurity. “There have been some times that we have had conflict. At the moment I would like to buy a new bed head which is more than what Rohan wanted to spend. As it was expensive he found it unnecessary,” Nicole says.

“But we have both learnt that communication and compromise is important when it comes to money disputes. Moving in together has helped us communicate better.”

Financial expert Victoria Devine from She’s on the Money believes the way we behave with our money can have a significant impact on relationship quality.

“I’ve worked with clients who have been in six figures of debt and haven’t told their partners,” she says.

“It’s a shock to the relationship to say the least and it can be really difficult to work through.”

Devine recommends couples need to work out what’s the best strategy for them.

“Having a budget and clear cash flow plan is essential as it’ll enable you to recognise and eliminate wasteful spending but also allow you to focus your savings and money towards the things you really value as a couple,” she says. “When it comes to friends and family, it can be helpful to communicate your goals and values, instead of just saying no

to opportunities to give them the ability to understand exactly where you’re coming from.”

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