Stress can take a toll on anyone. But if you have depression, you might not bounce back from stress easily. The death of a loved one, a job loss, or a divorce could trigger symptoms such as guilt and hopelessness. But there are steps you can take to get better.
тАЬYou need to see that youтАЩre about to go down the rabbit hole, and take a step back,тАЭ says Jeannie Lochhead, MD, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Riverside School of Medicine. тАЬMeditation, mindfulness, good sleep, avoiding alcohol, spending time with people who actually care about you — thatтАЩs what builds resilience. ItтАЩs not push, push, push. Try harder.тАЭ
You can manage your depression, no matter what causes it. Here are some common triggers and expert tips on how to take action to reduce their impact on you.
Job Loss
You might have a lot tied up in your work. For starters, a job loss can take you away from an entire network of people. тАЬThat alone causes social isolation, which can cause depression,тАЭ Lochhead says.
Advice: Try to gain some control of the situation, says Tim Pearman, PhD, a professor of medical social sciences and psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.
Pearman suggests you update your resume but stay flexible. тАЬThere may be a whole bunch of job opportunities available to you that you might not even think about outside of your field,тАЭ he says. тАЬMaybe itтАЩs time to break the mold of how you self-identify in terms of your career path and consider other options.тАЭ Casting a wider net in your job search may help you feel more in control and less hamstrung by the recent job loss.
Rejection
No one likes to feel unwanted. But rejection, whether from a potential employer, a friend, or a significant other, can spark depression in some people. That includes those with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD).
Advice: Use a technique called benefit-finding. тАЬThe idea is basically finding silver linings,тАЭ says Kate Sweeny, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.
Sweeny studies strategies that help people get through stressful or uncertain times. She says people tend to feel less depressed when they think about positive things that might come out of bad news, such as the loss of a job or relationship.
Marriage Problems or Divorce
The end of a relationship is hard, whether you live with depression or not. ThatтАЩs true whether youтАЩre the one who decides to leave or not. тАЬItтАЩs going to be a bumpy ride,тАЭ Lochhead says. тАЬPeople need to expect that. Even if theyтАЩre the ones who decide they want the divorce.тАЭ
Advice: ItтАЩs important to plan for your future and feel hopeful about it. To do that, Lochhead suggests you look to the things in your life that fulfill you most. And donтАЩt pull away from your loved ones. тАЬAvoiding social isolation is really important after divorce,тАЭ she says.
A marriage and family counselor can be a big help. Pearman says a coupleтАЩs therapist can help you decide to stay together or тАЬmake the splitting-up process as non-traumatic as possible.тАЭ
Family Troubles
All families have their ups and downs. But you donтАЩt have to push through and fix your problems on your own.
Advice: As a parent, you have lots of outlets. Pearman says to reach out to a family counselor, peer group, or friends and family. The same is true for children and teens. тАЬKids who do the best, in terms of their emotional health, are the ones who have a really strong social network.тАЭ
Pearman suggests you head off family problems at the pass. Check in with your kids every week. Ask them about school, friends, and their likes and dislikes. тАЬIt can be in the context of something fun, like going out for ice cream or taking a walk,тАЭ he says. тАЬBut if your child knows youтАЩre going to have that time, it can really open the door for them to be a little more communicative.тАЭ
Loss of a Loved One
ItтАЩs normal to feel sad after you lose someone close to you. But depression and grief arenтАЩt the same thing. тАЬActive grief tends to be a little bit more dramatic. ItтАЩs crying spells and not being able to focus on anything because youтАЩre so torn apart by it,тАЭ Pearman says. тАЬWith depression, a lot of what people experience is a sense of numbness.тАЭ
Advice: Pay attention to your symptoms. If you canтАЩt focus on your work or get out of bed, or youтАЩve been depressed for more than a few months, тАЬat that point, itтАЩs probably time to seek professional help,тАЭ Pearman says.
You can seek grief counseling before or after your loss. A counselor can help you work through strong emotions. Also, give yourself a break if you think youтАЩre тАЬnot grieving right.тАЭ DonтАЩt beat yourself up for grieving for too long or feeling too sad or not sad enough. тАЬItтАЩs not a linear process,тАЭ he says.
The anniversary of a loss can also be tough. It can help if you plan something for that day. тАЬThat can be as simple as having a moment to reflect on what that person meant in your life,тАЭ Pearman says. тАЬOr it can be as big a thing as getting family or friends together to talk about that person.тАЭ
Empty Nest
ItтАЩs normal to feel uncertain and lonely when your kids leave home. ItтАЩs a major change.
Advice: Lochhead almost always suggests mindfulness meditation for soon-to-be empty nesters. ItтАЩs OK to be upset for a little while. But, she says, you need to focus more on тАЬaccepting the change thatтАЩs about to happen and letting the thoughts go.тАЭ
Pearman thinks itтАЩs a good idea to volunteer or take a course to learn something new. This can help fill that newfound time and space with something that brings you joy.
Retirement
Your daily routine changes a lot when you donтАЩt go to work every day. That can raise your risk for depression triggers such as social isolation, bad sleep habits, and lack of physical activity.
Without a job, your days can feel as if they lose their structure. This can open your time up to all kinds of bad habits if youтАЩre prone to them. For example, Lochhead says, тАЬYouтАЩre more likely to drink alcohol. If you usually drink only on the weekends, now you can drink Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.тАЭ
Advice: Try to figure out what it is about retirement that might trigger depression. Then learn how to manage those cues. Lochhead says itтАЩs all about planning. For example, do you feel low without a routine and a full social calendar? If so, create your own schedule and meetups with friends.
As with empty nest syndrome, Pearman suggests you volunteer or take a class. But he says itтАЩs also the perfect time to get active. тАЬTry a bunch of different things,тАЭ he says. тАЬAnd if one kind of exercise doesnтАЩt speak to you, try something else.тАЭ
Long-Term or Caregiver Stress
Depression can sometimes be a symptom of an ongoing illness. ItтАЩs easy to get mentally or physically overwhelmed if youтАЩre sick or care for a loved one whoтАЩs ill.
Advice: You might get the message that you need to stay positive. But itтАЩs natural to feel bad when bad things happen, Pearman says. тАЬLet yourself feel that.тАЭ
But more importantly, he says, is that you ask for help. Be specific. Maybe you need meals a couple of times a week. Or perhaps you want someone to stay with your loved one while you go to the gym. DonтАЩt worry about being a burden. Friends and family usually want to help. Pearman says it can actually тАЬbe a giftтАЭ if you tell them exactly what you need.
Holiday Stress
The holidays can be a time for celebration with friends and family. But all that activity can be hard to handle. The holidays often trigger depression for people. The stress of the holidays can lead to anxiety, too. тАЬIf you have social anxiety, going to a holiday party may actually be incredibly stress-inducing,тАЭ Lochhead says.
Advice: ItтАЩs healthy to limit the time you spend with certain people. That includes family members, friends, or co-workers. And donтАЩt feel bad about it. тАЬRealize your own need for space and [figure out] how you can get that,тАЭ Pearman says.
But if you do start to notice unhealthy thoughts or behaviors, тАЬthatтАЩs where mindfulness and meditation can be very helpful,тАЭ Lochhead says.
The holidays can also throw you off your otherwise healthy routine. Keep an eye on your holiday sleep habits, eating patterns, physical activity, and alcohol intake. тАЬAll of those things impact depression relapses,тАЭ she says.
Winter Blues
Many people have new or worse depression when the seasons change. ThatтАЩs called seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
Advice: Talk to your doctor. They might suggest light exposure, talk therapy, or antidepressants. Physical activity can also help. тАЬExercise is the number one most important strategy,тАЭ Pearman says. тАЬIt really can turn things around.тАЭ
Write down your feelings as they happen. You might see that youтАЩre more depressed in the morning or as the day goes on. тАЬItтАЩs really important to notice those patterns, because then, you can actually plan for when you need to get things done,тАЭ he says.
Hormonal Changes
Certain hormonal shifts can affect your mood. For women, that includes before the start of your period and during or after pregnancy or menopause. тАЬIt can be overwhelming to feel like your emotions arenтАЩt in your control,тАЭ Lochhead says
Advice: No matter the cause, hormonal changes can bring serious symptoms that affect your daily life. Lochhead suggests you ask your doctor about medication or other treatments that can help you feel better.
If you get premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), plan for your symptoms. тАЬSet an alarm 4 days before your cycle that says, тАШHey, warning, for the next 4 days, youтАЩre going to feel things much more intensely,тАЩтАЭ Lochhead says.
Substance Use
People with depression are more likely to use drugs and alcohol. On the flip side, a substance use disorder (SUD) can worsen your low mood and other symptoms. This is what Pearman calls a тАЬcircular relationship.тАЭ
Advice: Keep track of your substance use. тАЬPeople who regularly overuse alcohol, or whoтАЩve had any problems with addiction in the past, should make sure to keep a record of their drinking to ensure that it is staying within the limits they set and not increasing over time,тАЭ Pearman says.
Seek professional help if you canтАЩt control your drug or alcohol use. Pearman suggests a certified alcohol drug counselor (CADC). TheyтАЩll help you manage your depression and your substance use.
