Conflicts are healthy in a relationship. Contrary to popular beliefs, conflicts help us in seeing the other person more clearly, understand their perspectives and get to know them. This creates more clarity in the relationship and helps in creating a healthy space for the people involved. However. Conflicts are always seen to be a negative impact because of the way we deal with it. “Healthy relationships require a good dose of conflict. It’s how they grow. And there’s ways in which we can argue better. How do you argue? Do you find yourself stuck in escalating cycles or are you often avoiding to try and keep the peace,” wrote Therapist Maria G Sosa as she explained the importance of arguing properly.
ALSO READ: How to know if we are being too much needy in a relationship?
Maria G Sosa further explained the need of arguing better and shared tips on how we can do it:
Listening to understand: Most of the conflicts blow out of proportion because of the way we perceive it. We should not listen to respond, instead, we should listen to understand and get more clarity on what the other person is trying to say.
First agree, then differ: The common points on where we agree with the other person should be focused on first. Then we should slowly move on to the differences we have and try to talk about them.
Keeping the nervous system in check: We should notice how the body is reacting to conflict. We should be aware of the fast breathing and the way the heart thumps – we should be aware of nervous system calming techniques.
Creating space for reality: When conflicts start to happen, it is better to challenge the ideas than the person proposing the same. We should know that we are disagreeing with the ideas, without harming the relationship.
Focus on the big picture: We should not get into the small problems, rather we should focus on the bigger picture and the future prospect of things.
Knowing when to disengage: When things start to get rough, we should be aware of when we stop investing time and energy in conflict.
