As Thanksgiving approaches, some families will be sharing their love for one another by sitting down for dinner тАФ or perhaps a physically distanced gathering, a FaceTime call, maybe dropping off food.
But the same can’t be said for all тАФ some family members may not be speaking to each other┬аthis holiday season.
Since the COVID-19 pandemic┬аstarted a year and a half ago,┬аit’s had lasting impacts on businesses, the health-care system and relationships.
The question of┬аwhether some industries┬аwill survive┬аor be the same┬аpost-pandemic┬аis also true for some families.
CBC News reached out to some┬аCalgarians┬аabout┬аwhether differing opinions on┬аCOVID-19 and vaccines have weighed heavily on their┬аrelationships.
After speaking with a variety of sources, one thing is certain: A┬аlot of these relationships might not┬аbe in a good place┬аonce the pandemic is over.
Jasmine Lee Boutin, a 46-year-old┬аliving in Westlock, Alta., says both she┬аand her mother are vaccinated against COVID-19, while┬аtwo of her adult daughters are not.
But her main worry is for her grandchildren, who are all under the age of 10.
“There’s been a lot of arguments and fights over trying to get them to realize the importance of being vaccinated, not only for themselves┬аbut for their children. Trying to get them to understand the possibility that they could pass away, leaving their children without parents,” she said.
Ian Hanomansing speaks to two Canadians about how they are navigating Thanksgiving with their unvaccinated relatives and the difficult conversation they are forced to have. 6:54
Nothing’s gotten through to them, and Boutin┬аsays it’s now affected┬аher relationship with her daughters and they rarely get together.
“We don’t have the barbecues. We don’t have Christmas. We don’t do birthdays. We do nothing other than for myself and my mom.”
And while she is frustrated with their decisions, it’s rooted in worry for their well-being.
“In the last 18 months, I’ve worried, I think more than I ever have, because I don’t know if I’m going to get that call that┬аthey’re in the hospital with COVID,” Boutin┬аsaid. “And it might be the last time I see them.”
Conspiracy theories and misinformation
Danielle Barnsley, a mother of two from Leduc, Alta.,┬аsays she doesn’t speak to her parents anymore due to their beliefs around COVID-19 and refusal to get vaccinated.
She says her parents, who are in their 60s, fell victim to┬аconspiracy theories and misinformation about┬аthe disease.
“My mother very particularly got into more racist beliefs about where COVID-19 came from and why it was being spread, and that it was actually just a hoax,” Barnsley┬аsaid.
“Our conversations became really, really strained because there was like an overarching anger when I would challenge some of their beliefs with actual fact.”
The arguments became too much for┬аBarnsley, leading her to cut off contact a few months ago for her mental health.
“There’s relief, in some ways, because it’s exhausting fighting against conspiracy…. I don’t know that everybody has the fortitude to continue talking when it’s just blatant misinformation that they’re only willing to accept.”
Looking toward the future, Barnsley says she’s unsure whether she will ever have a relationship with her parents.
“One of the things that I’m learning with this pandemic is that we aren’t going back to the way things used to be, and I think it’s going to impact family relationships,” she said.
“When you see the worst somebody has to offer and how far gone they go, how do you come back from that?”
‘I’m┬аadamant that I don’t want the vaccine’
Chanse Mackinnon, a 25-year-old┬аfrom Calgary, says he doesn’t have plans to get vaccinated.
“I’m┬аadamant that I don’t want the vaccine. I feel that┬аto a degree, the science is there to prove your natural immunity,” he said, adding that he had COVID-19 last December.
Health experts and government officials, such as Alberta Health Minister Jason Copping, have refuted similar claims.┬аCopping told a news┬аconference last week┬аthat while getting infected with COVID-19 gives some “natural immunity,” there’s uncertainty as to how long it lasts┬аand that┬аimmunization provides greater protection.
Dr. Scott Halperin, director of the Canadian Center for Vaccinology, says Thanksgiving is an opportunity to talk with family members about getting the COVID-19 shot. 7:33
Mackinnon┬аsays┬аhis┬аchoice┬аto stay unvaccinated has led to┬аsome heated arguments with his sister,┬аwho is vaccinated┬аand has three children at home under the age of 13.
“She still was reluctant to talk to me and have me over. And that was quite frustrating to have to deal with your own family not wanting to even see you.”
While the two siblings still talk on the phone, their relationship has changed.
“It puts a wedge in the sense that I feel like we don’t talk the same as we used to…. Before all of this, I felt completely comfortable when I could talk to her and say anything I wanted to,” Mackinnon┬аsaid.
“Now when I’m around … I feel like I have to really watch what I’m saying.”
He says he’s hopeful that once this all blows over, COVID-19 and vaccines won’t be┬аas┬аhot of┬аa topic anymore, but┬аsometimes he has his doubts he’ll see his sister’s family┬аagain.
“I got three nieces and nephews that are all grown up and I was very involved in their life before, and I feel like now it’s kind of dropped out,” he said.
Mackinnon says it’s┬аa situation he never thought would happen within his family.
“We’ve always had our small differences in terms of┬аlike politics and like maybe a little bit of religious views,” he said.
“But whether you’re vaxxed or not,┬аI don’t think that it should be wedging families like it does.”
Psychologist weighs in
Joshua┬аMadsen, a┬аsenior┬аpsychology instructor┬аat the University of Calgary, says while the pandemic has been a silver lining and led to more time spent together for some households, it’s led to isolation for others.
“The pandemic has probably impacted vulnerable unions more. It has just created additional stressors, or brought into full-release difficulties that were already there in that relationship.”
Madsen compares it to the election┬аof Donald Trump in the United States in 2016 and the threat it caused to family unity.
“It’s no longer about you being a Republican and me being a Democrat,” he said about the former U.S. president’s rise.
“It┬аalmost revises my view of you, that you could stand behind this person who has said these things about immigrants, women.”
Madsen┬аsays┬аit’s a similar case with┬аpolarizing viewpoints around┬аvaccines and COVID-19.
“I’m not just lukewarm on vaccination, you know. I’m going to get it because I believe in the science and I believe this is the best thing to keep me safe. And I think it’s the best thing to do to keep my community safe,” he said.
Having someone you love oppose these views┬аcan create┬а“distress tolerance,” which the psychologist describes as a situation when you┬аcan’t change the way that you┬аor the other person┬аthinks about a┬аsituation.
“Part of this distress tolerance is: Can I give up that fight and can I cultivate goodwill in this relationship? Can I extract from it? You know what I can enjoy from it, so can I┬аstay close to this person?”
Five years from now, when COVID-19 may be in the rearview mirror, Madsen┬аsays it’s hard to┬аsay whether these relationships will be fixed.
“Every family situation is different. But I think we’re all under, around the world, similar pressures┬атАФ including family tensions тАФ for a number of reasons during the pandemic. And, you know, with the advent of the vaccine, here’s a new opportunity for attention or risks in families, which is really sad.”
