Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that arises from encountering or observing exceptionally distressing or frightening events. Individuals with PTSD may experience symptoms including vivid flashbacks of the event, disruptive nightmares, intense anxiety, and persistent, unsettling thoughts along with noticeable changes in physical and emotional reactions about the traumatic experience that causes heightened emotional arousal. These symptoms can last more than one month and cause major problems in personal, social, work and interpersonal situations.
Individuals with PTSD can manifest a range of behaviors that profoundly affect their relationships. They often experience emotional detachment, leading them to disconnect from their partners and diminishing the intimacy and connection within the relationship. This detachment is frequently accompanied by emotional numbness, which makes meaningful engagement with their partner challenging.
Additionally, they may express their distress through anger and irritability, using these emotions to push their partners away and creating a toxic environment that erodes intimacy. Sometimes, PTSD can lead to aggressive behavior, both verbal and physical, negatively impacting the relationship with a question of safety of all involved. The intense experience of trauma makes the survivor to engage in avoidance behavior in perceived stressful situations, sleep disturbances, including heightened alertness to sounds or frequent nightmares. This can further cause relational stress. Additionally, they may turn to addictive behaviors, such as workaholism, as a means of avoiding or distracting themselves from their trauma, causing strain on their relationships.
People with complex PTSD often struggle with trust issues due to past betrayals from those they were closest to in different forms of abuse – emotional, physical and sexual- that is unhealed, often develop trust issues. These betrayals undermine their ability to feel safe and secure in relationships, making it hard to trust both themselves and others. Unresolved trauma often leads to two prevalent fears in relationships: fear of abandonment and fear of inadequacy.
Fear of abandonment can cause individuals to become excessively anxious and clingy, an increased need for nurturance and care, while fear of inadequacy may result in them withdrawing and avoiding closeness. These patterns can become disruptive, creating ongoing cycles of distress and instability in marriage. Trauma can leave survivors feeling powerless, with low self-esteem and a negative self-image, leading them to believe that others will take advantage of them, that they will be abused, they will be abandoned or that they must always be in control of the situation with the best interest of protecting themselves. It’s an automatic response their mind and body resorts to whenever they sense danger or potential harm of any kind.
When someone who was trusted, such as a family member, friend, or romantic partner, has betrayed them, it deeply affects their ability to trust. This experience can make them view others as potential threats and adopt a more negative perspective on the world. In relationships, this often results in heightened suspicion and reactivity. They may fear that their partner has harmful intentions or is being dishonest, which complicates trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Emotional wounds take time to manifest and unresolved trauma can significantly affect a marriage over time, leading to issues such as poor marital adjustment, strained communication, and persistent trust problems. It can disrupt the overall functioning of the family and impact the mental health of both partners resulting in severe consequences including divorce, parenting challenges, increased family conflict, and sexual/ emotional difficulties.
Overcoming PTSD involves a multifaceted approach that combines professional treatment, self care, and support. Some pointers to keep in mind as shared by Gautami Devi Chetri, Clinical Psychologist at Lissun:
• Engage with a mental health professional to share your difficulties and intense emotional experiences as you don’t have to deal it alone. For some, medication prescribed by a psychiatrist can help manage symptoms like anxiety, depression, or insomnia that significantly helps in the reduction of symptoms.
• Discuss your experiences, fears, and needs openly with your partner. Honest and clear communication will be helpful in fostering understanding and support in your relationship. It is very important to recognise and reinforce positive interactions and moments of trust and connection with your partner.
• Try to define and communicate what makes you feel safe and respected as maintaining these boundaries will help to create a secure environment for yourself and reduce anxiety. Additionally, it is important to learn and practice coping strategies such as mindfulness, relaxation exercises, deep breathing, or grounding techniques to manage stress and the triggers.
• Practice Self-Compassion and remember to be too kind to yourself and recognize that healing takes time. Allow yourself to experience emotions without judgment and practice self-care regularly.
• Connect with supportive friends, family, or support groups. Sharing experiences with others who understand can provide comfort and encouragement.