Have a problematic relationship with your partner? Follow these steps to improve

In relationships, it is common to have arguments among couples however, when these arguments go unaddressed and left to linger, it can dampen the relationship further. This can cause a major gap in the connection between the two but relationship experts console that there are ways to ensure that couples don’t end up drifting off from one another. 

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Karina Calver, a relationship expert and Founder of Hukam Healing, advised, “A problematic relationship can be saved when both parties invest in building the relationship. Like with anything, a relationship needs to be watered. A lack of watering can destroy this beautiful flower from blossoming. Water it regularly and it’ll be a healthy stable and loving one.”

She shared 3 pointers to improve your relationship so you don’t get stuck in a repeated pattern:

1. Mean what you say – At times we feel the need to be ‘nice’ and by doing so we may not be honest, which in turn can affect the relationship if this persists. Here’s a scenario: you think your partner doesn’t look as good in a certain outfit and they ask you for your feedback but you fake it because you fear hurting them. This while may seem like a justifiable white lie also says that you rather be liked than, be honest with them. Choose honesty and say it in a way that can be least hurtful. Your words need to hold truth and your partner can rely on your words as a bible.

2. Make each other a priority – Being busy has become a norm nowadays. Work can consume us that we forget to take time out for our partners. Thinking we will see them at home after a long day isn’t quite making each other a priority. When you are exhausted from a long hard day, you’re less likely to be fun to hang out with and that is understandable. Plan something ahead of time for both of you.

3. Appreciate each other – When a relationship gets comfortable, we forget to compliment our partners. We notice how good they look or that they mean a lot to us but we somehow assume they know this because that is why you’re with them. Unspoken compliments aren’t compliments.

Asking “Is your own mind healthy?”, Acharya Prashant, Vedanta teacher and Founder of Prashant Advait Foundation, suggested that first of all the mind must be healthy since how can one have a healthy relationship if they are not healthy or how can the relationship be healthy when the mind in the relationship is not healthy. He said, “Is it possible that the mind is diseased, but the relationship is healthy?”

Recommending to turn within, he said, “Do not think that it’s about one particular person, that my relationship with one man is unloving. It’s not about your relationship with one particular person, it’s about your relationship with yourself. It’s about who you are. If you have relationship problems, turn within, and look at yourself. Do not look at that man or that relationship. Turn within. The solution lies there.”

Next step according to him is addressing the dependency. He said, “It is only when you do not really need the other that there is a possibility of really relating with the other. Do you want to know the health quotient of your relationships? It’s easy. Just investigate your relationships for dependency. Are you dependent on the other? In any way – physical, psychological, material, immaterial. Is the other dependent on you? Where there is dependency, there would only be violence, not love.”