Fear of appearing desperate keeping you from texting your date? Relationship coach explains what’s clingy and what’s not

By admin On Jan 9, 2025

Getting all worked up over sending that text saying you had a good date? And fretting that you may seem too clingy, giving them the ick? You are not alone.

It’s common to get cold feet when you try to express your affection to your partner but don’t let it keep you from showing genuine expressions. (Shutterstock)

Relationships sometimes feel capricious. Sure, there are endearing, lovey-dovey moments, but there are also unspoken boundaries to look out for that leave even the best questioning how far is too far. Trapped in this dilemma of what is clingy, desperate, and what is not, people often find themselves holding back, leaving a gap in expressing their genuine feelings.

At what point should one draw the line? What behaviour is a major ‘ick’ and what is not? These questions are common in relationships, and while it’s alright to be cautious, these judgments sometimes may stifle genuine expression of love. And before you know it, you’re left regretting not taking the initiative. Sometimes balancing the true expression of love, while keeping the judgments of appearing ‘desperate’ at bay, may feel like navigating murky waters.

Javal Bhatt, a relationship coach as described in his Instagram bio, dissects common behaviours and separates what is considered cringe from what is not.

Habits that are NOT clingy or desperate

If you text or call them first.
If you share your feelings with first.
If you show your care and love.
If you are a giver and put efforts.
If you are consistent.
If you are curious to know them.
If you take out some time everyday (for them).
If you ask them for offline meeting.

Efforts are never clingy or desperate. As the relationship coach shared, the above-mentioned habits may feel clingy, like playing with fire or toeing the line by putting yourself forward, but they are actually healthy ways to nurture a potential connection. Never be afraid to pursue a connection with intentions that are genuine. All the habits listed by the relationship coach are about getting to know each other and setting the ball in motion.

If both sides are grappled by the fear of judgment, then the connection may as well be a stalemate.

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Habits that are clingy and desperate:

There's no point in pursuing when they are not returning the sentiment. (Shutterstock) — There’s no point in pursuing when they are not returning the sentiment. (Shutterstock)

If you keep constantly texting without them reciprocating it.
If you keep approaching them constantly all day without having a routine of your day.
If you keep approaching them even though they said no, ignoring what their actions say clearly.
If you ask them repeatedly though they said, “I don’t know, let’s see”.
If you keep continuing the conversations and they are only replying but not asking you any questions. They are not curious to know you.

The relationship coach mentioned the points listed above as big red flags—habits that are undoubtedly clingy and desperate. When a boundary has already been established, don’t turn a blind eye and keep pushing. It’s important to respect boundaries and pick up on cues that indicate there’s no interest in the connection, as continuing it would be in vain. Repeatedly pushing for a response when they’ve expressed uncertainty, or continuing one-sided conversations without mutual curiosity, signals an unhealthy attachment.

Relationships at the early stage are all about curiosity. But if the curiosity is one-sided, don’t pursue it.

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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.