The need of physical and emotional attachment is a common human need. In relationships, we look out for intimacy in order to feel wanted and to be assured that this is supposed to last for a long time. We are constantly looking for relationships that make us feel wanted. “As human beings, we all have a strong need for emotional and physical connection from the moment we are born. This is why skin-to-skin is really important for babies. It’s why we crave a hug from our friends or partner when we’re sad. It’s also why we tend to feel closer to those who take the time to listen and empathise with us,” wrote Psychotherapist Sadaf Siddiqi as she explained why fear of abandonment happens.
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Reasons:
Ignorance: When we are constantly ignored and suppressed by our caregivers as a child, we tend to develop the fear of abandonment.
Trauma: Witnessing trauma as a child or even in the later years of life can shape a personality that depends on people and the need of constant validation.
Affection: Being part of a dysfunctional family where low attention and affection were given to us as a child can be a reason for fear of abandonment developing later.
Signs:
Dislike: We are constantly on the lookout for signs to confront our partner and our friends about not liking us.
People pleaser: the fear of abandonment makes us want to constantly please others to not leave us.
Compromising: We stay back in relationships that are not fulfilling in nature, because we think we do not deserve better than this.
Self-esteem: Self-trust and self-esteem are extremely low in us, and we do not trust our capabilities.
Tips to reduce fear of abandonment:
Activities: When we engage in activities that give us happiness, we start building a strong sense of self – this further helps us in being more resilient.
Support: Instead of relying on relationships, we should seek out several support groups.
Lifestyle: the lifestyle we keep, the sleep routine we follow and the diet we have contribute to a healthier lifestyle, thereby bringing our focus back to self-love.
Pause: When difficult emotions come our way, instead of taking it all in, take a pause and process it slowly.