Loss often feels all consuming but we need to give room for feelings of sadness, confusion, anger as they show up. Grief proceeds through a set sequence, where the first reaction is that of denial, then anger, followed by depression and bargaining and finally acceptance.
In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Mansi Poddar, Trauma Sensitive Psychotherapist, shared, “Anger can reveal itself as blame or frustration. Denial entails resistance to reality. Depression can become profound before bargaining, which involves attempts to ‘undo’ the loss, and acceptance results in understanding and peace but all that is not linear.”
She revealed, “Aloneness is common but, to work through grief, it is necessary that individuals are reached out to by other people. 70 percent of the time, people will find it very difficult to express their feelings. Although communication is helpful when grieving, people, often, feel embarrassed while expressing it. Sometimes, it can be enough to just be with supportive people and not be ready to talk about the loss right away.”
She suggested, “Let your friends and family help. Take advantage of the love and good will of your friends and family. They may not know what to do or may be unprepared for your response to their ‘How are you doing?’ Let them know what they can do to help. Let them know when they are helping. Let them know you are grateful for their help and what they are doing that helps. Look to your faith and explore the idea that we are never alone. Consider participating in a support group. Seek the assistance of a grief-trained therapist if you feel you need it. Take advantage of your private support groups. Use social media with caution if you think others will comment hurtfully.”
Bringing her expertise to the same, Sandy Dias Andrade, Psychotherapist and Founder-Director at Just Being Center for Mindfulnes and Presence, said, “We also need to allow ourselves in small measures to engage with what is needed. This oscillation between restorative processes and those that allow for feelings of loss is what is found to be most healing.”
She highlighted that we need to remember:
- There is no one standard way of grieving. You need to trust your own process of moving through grief.
- Grief often feels unending. While grief does not have a timeline, how we hold our grief changes over a period of time
- If we have moments of laughter or lightness, it does not mean we are forgetting the person. We just have more space in ourselves to open up to all of our life experiences and also hold our connection with our loved one.