Have you ever heard of the five apology languages for relationships? Just like there are different love languages, there are also different ways that people prefer to receive apologies when they have been wronged. Apologizing is a crucial part of any healthy relationship, whether it’s with your romantic partner, friend, or family member. By understanding and speaking the apology language of your partner, you can help them feel truly heard, understood, and validated, leading to a deeper connection and a stronger relationship. So, whether you are the one apologizing or the one receiving an apology, learning about these apology languages can be a powerful tool in building and maintaining healthy relationships. (Also read: Transform your relationship by using these five love languages )
Jordan Green, Licensed Therapist and Relationship Expert, shared the five apology languages for relationships in her recent Instagram post.
1. Expressing regret
This type of apology requires hearing the words “I’m sorry.” You’re using emotional language to acknowledge the ways your words or behaviour hurt them. Explain to the other person what you’re sorry about. Let the person know that you understand how much you’ve hurt them. You can even list all the ways you’ve hurt them! Let them know they have a right to feel angry/sad/etc. Make sure your body language agrees with your words. Notice your tone of voice, how loud you’re speaking, your body language, etc. Make eye contact and turn towards the other person.
2. Accepting responsibility
An apology requires taking responsibility for what you did and admitting your behaviour is wrong. This type of apology begins with the words. “was wrong” and explains why. This requires letting go of self-justification and a tendency to blame others. Accepting responsibility takes maturity. This type of apology sometimes includes accepting responsibility for causing the hurt.
3. Making restitution
This apology language seeks to “make it right” or repair it through action. This can look like trying to make up for the ways in which you’ve hurt them or trying to make amends. You’re using your behaviour to show them you love them and you’re sorry. You can use the five love languages as a guide for which behaviour of restitution will be best received. For example, for words of affirmation, you can write an apology letter. For acts of service, you can do thoughtful or helpful things for the other person. For gifts, you can give a small gift as a way to make amends.
4. Genuinely repenting
This apology language requires expressing a desire to change your behaviour and coming up with a plan to ensure success so that it actually doesn’t happen again. Genuine repentance means:
• Stating your intention to change.
• Expressing that you don’t ever want to hurt them again or do that again.
• Showing them you’re willing to change.
• Finding ways to stop it from happening again.
• Making a plan for improvement. Writing it down! Then implementing the plan.
• Making genuine efforts to not repeat the behaviour.
• Making a plan for what to do if you fail. What happens if you repeat the behaviour?
• Making a plan for change and then following through requires intention and effort. Small changes add up over time.
5. Requesting forgiveness
Often when we apologize, we assume that the other person knows that we’re asking for forgiveness. Some people actually need to hear you ask for forgiveness to feel your apology was genuine. This apology language looks like asking for forgiveness by saying “Will you please forgive me?” The reason why this is so important to some people is that requesting forgiveness shows that you want to repair and restore the relationship.
It shows you care about the other person and the relationship, and you want to see it can be fully repaired and rebuilt. It shows that you know you’ve done something wrong, there is a barrier between you, and you want to repair it. However, do not demand forgiveness (if you guilt them into forgiving, this is a form of demanding). Try not to expect forgiveness. Recognize that it’s their choice and forgiveness happens on their timeline.
