Are you too picky in love? How ‘the ick’ might be sabotaging your dating life without you even realising it
Ever been on a date where everything seems perfect, and then suddenly, one awkward moment ruins it all? Maybe they laugh in a way that just doesn’t sit right with you, or they say something that makes you roll your eyes. Next thing you know, you’re no longer interested. It’s called “catching the ick”, that inexplicable shift in attraction when something small turns you off completely. It could be something as minor as mispronouncing a word or chewing their food in an oddly loud way. (Also read: Your love language is opposite of your stress behaviour and can be your toxic trait? Relationship coach explains )
The science behind “the ick”
This sudden switch from attraction to repulsion, known as “the ick,” has taken over social media, with #theick videos amassing over a billion views on TikTok. But why do small quirks trigger such strong reactions? A study from Azusa Pacific University, published in Personality and Individual Differences on February 5, 2025, explores how our traits influence romantic aversions.
Researchers define “the ick” as a sudden aversion to a romantic partner, often triggered by minor quirks rather than major red flags. While some icks hint at deeper incompatibilities, many are rooted in superficial social norms. The study found women were often turned off by men displaying “feminine” traits, public embarrassment, or annoying speech, while men disliked overly trendy women, social awkwardness, or irritating speech.
To explore this, 125 single adults took surveys on their ick experiences and underwent personality assessments measuring disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism.
Who gets ick the most?
The study uncovered clear personality traits among those most prone to catching the ick:
- Highly disgust-sensitive people were the quickest to be repulsed by minor quirks, suggesting their aversion extends beyond physical things to behaviour as well.
- Narcissists weren’t more likely to get the ick, but when they did, it hit hard. They ran a stricter filter on potential partners, rejecting anything that didn’t meet their high standards.
- Perfectionists got the ick both more easily and more often. Their high expectations made them hyper-aware of even the smallest flaws.
Women were more familiar with the term (63% vs. 39% of men) and reported experiencing it more (75% vs. 57%). However, when men did get the ick, they experienced it just as often. Women were mostly triggered by misogynistic behaviour and annoying speech, while men were put off by physical appearance issues and signs of vanity.
Once the ick hits, it’s usually game over as 26% of people dumped their partner immediately, while 42% ended things later. And it’s rarely a secret, 92% told someone (mostly friends or family), but only 28% actually confronted their partner. Social media is making the ick more contagious. Viral videos mock tiny turn-offs like “Shazamming a song,” priming us to do the same. Pop culture has fueled this for years, think Monica in Friends or Jerry in Seinfeld breaking up over minor quirks.
Should you reconsider your ick?
The study reveals a dating paradox: the ick can help us spot real incompatibilities, but it also makes people, especially perfectionists, narcissists, and the easily disgusted, ditch great partners over minor quirks. “Even if a partner has desirable traits, one small flaw can trigger rejection,” researchers note, which might explain why dating feels harder despite endless options.
If you keep catching the ick, ask yourself, is this a real red flag or just a silly pet peeve? No one’s perfect, and today’s cringe-worthy habit might be tomorrow’s inside joke.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice.
