This Hamilton-led group’s ornament exchange is helping people with their grief over the holidays

Christmas 2022 was a hard one for Kelly Sammon. She felt lost after her mother died unexpectedly on Dec. 20.

“I didn’t know where to go, I didn’t know what to do,” Sammon told CBC Hamilton.

Christmas is commonly thought of as a time for family, so losing a family “anchor” was hard, she said.

Seeking purpose, Sammon, who lives in Hamilton’s Crown Point neighbourhood, founded Grieving Gracefully, a virtual support group for people who’ve lost loved ones, in May 2023. This year, about 170 members from that group and beyond are exchanging holiday cards and ornaments.

The hope, Sammon said, is to “shine just a little bit of light in somebody’s life,” during what is often a challenging time for grieving people. 

She ‘needed the support,’ so started the group

“I started Grieving Gracefully because — I’ll be honest — I needed the support,” Sammon said.

There’s an abundance of reading material for grieving people, Sammon said, but when you’ve lost someone, “I really just don’t feel like we’re even in the headspace to absorb that.” 

Sammon researched grief, and a common theme was that grieving people felt alone, so she decided to start a forum for them to be together. The group has events and book clubs, and Sammon hosts a podcast. 

Roughly 350 members across Canada, the United States and United Kingdom pay a monthly subscription.

Sammon organized a smaller 50-person version of the holiday exchange last year that was only open to members. This year’s event welcomed the public. Each participant gets an individual to send a card and ornament to, and Sammon said some people are making their own.

That’s what Angie Hanson did. The resident of Valley, Neb., has a greeting card business called Butterflies and Halos that focuses on people who’ve experienced loss.

Hanson’s one-year-old son died in 2006, and she lost her husband and brother to cancer in 2009.

She said the holidays are generally OK for her now, but the Christmas after her son died was particularly challenging. 

“We didn’t want to show up. We didn’t want to do anything.”

Hanson said she wanted to be part of the Grieving Gracefully exchange to “give hope to other families who are grieving.” 

She said she sent a card and ornament she made with a message telling her recipient she was thinking of them, and that she heard they appreciated it. Hanson also sent out cards and ornaments on behalf of other group members who wanted a simpler way to send their gifts across the Canada-U.S. border during the Canada Post strike.

“For years to come, they’re going to be opening up their Christmas tree ornaments, and each year that’s going to bring back a flood of memories,” Hanson said. “As people get further along in their grief journey, I know that the message of hope and the smiles will start to come.”

She said she hasn’t received her gift yet, but is looking forward to it. 

WATCH | Sammon shares advice for people grieving over the holidays:

Kelly Sammon’s tips for people grieving over the holidays

Kelly Sammon of Hamilton runs an online virtual support group called Grieving Gracefully. She says people grieving over the holidays should give themselves the space to feel their feelings.

Managing grief is “hard on its own, but around the holidays, it’s even harder,” Sammon said, noting that Christmas is everywhere in December.

It’s really important for anyone grieving to give yourself grace, take a breath and honour your feelings.– Kelly Sammon, Grieving Gracefully

“It’s really important for anyone grieving to give yourself grace, take a breath and honour your feelings. If you are at a family event and you need to take a few moments … then do that. Don’t force yourself to be in a position that you don’t want to be in at that moment.” 

Sammon is creating new traditions to honour those she’s lost. Her dad died about 10 years ago — she plans to put her parents’ pictures on a window sill so they’ll be close by during Christmas dinner. She and her daughter are also baking the cookies Sammon always used to make with her mom.

Hanson said she also developed new traditions after her losses. She made an ornament to memorialize her son when he died, and now her Christmas tree is “basically a memorial” honouring loved ones.

“It brings a lot of comfort to me,” she said.