A relationship is based on a lot of understanding, compromises and efforts. A healthy relationship takes a lot of effort from both ends to make it a safe space for both to grow and flourish, individually and together. Conflicts, contrary to what we believe, are not unhealthy. In fact, conflicts help us in understanding the perspective of the other person, in turn making it easier for us to understand them as a person. Agreeing to disagree sometimes can be a healthy way to deal with a situation. Addressing this, Psychotherapist Emily H Sanders wrote, “A few dos for making a sincere apology. Not all steps will be relevant every time you make an apology. Healthy relationships aren’t healthy because hurt and conflict never happen- they are healthy because of how hurt, and conflict are handled.”
Emily further noted down how to handle conflicts with sincere apologies. In case you are planning to apologise to your partner, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Give space: it is important to give space to the partner to express the way they felt after a conflict. Once they can express themselves and get relief, we should be able to apologise mindfully.
Your understanding: Once they have expressed their emotions, you should also express to them your understanding of how the situations and your actions hurt them and apologise for both the perspectives.
Ownership: It is important to own to the mistakes committed and take responsibility for the things that you have done and the way the whole situation has hurt them.
Context: To apologise heartfully, you should give context and make them understand your perspective and the situation.
Express intent: The intention of an apology should be to bring change in the behaviour. It is important to express the intention of bringing in change to the behaviour and avoid repeating the same in the future.
Give space: After apologising, it is important to give space to the other person to get over the damage that has been caused due to the conflict.
