Often we end up being in love with people who struggle with being emotionally available. Emotional unavailability can stem from a lot of unresolved issues – be it their childhood trauma or a past heartbreak which has made them close their hearts and grow walls around them. Being with an emotionally unavailable person can be exhausting – both mentally and emotionally. Addressing this, Psychologist Emily H Sanders wrote, “Reminder: emotional availability is not a black or white/yes or no thing, it’s a on spectrum. To what degree is someone open? (Again, we all need a few walls up to protect ourselves, but having massively thick walls that keep us from getting in touch with ourselves or others is not ideal).”
ALSO READ: 8 challenges for the ones who struggle with emotional availability
Emily further noted down a few reminders for the ones who are in love with people having emotional unavailability:
Impact: Emotional unavailability of the person can affect you mentally and emotionally. We should be mindful of the impact we are having.
Not your job: We can do all the things in the world and the other person can still be distant. So we should not blame ourselves for the relationship not working out.
Giving space: Often it is important to create a space for the other person to have an opinion and step up. It is important to take a step back sometimes.
Pay attention: Sometimes we should also look inwards and understand if we are emotionally available.
Resist making excuses: We should stop making excuses as to why they may not be emotionally available for us. This can lead to self-harm.
Words and actions: Words and actions are bounded by efforts, and we should pay attention to if they are aligning with each other. When words and actions do not match, it can get problematic.
Be direct: We should learn to be direct about the kind of relationship we want. That will give an understanding to the other person.
Walk away: If things do not work out, we should also be mindful when we should walk away.
Self-worth: We must not judge ourselves and our ability to love on another person’s emotional unavailability.
