The homes we are brought up in, shape our character and the adult relationships later in life. When we are brought up in dysfunctional families where we are made to shut down our emotions, we learn the art of denial. We carry the trauma further in life, which show up in the way we deal with the relationships that we make later. However, some of us also get fortunate to be brought up in homes that are healthy, functional, and where emotions of each person are respected and communicated. While dysfunctional families teach us to be dissociated, the art of healing starts when we truly accept that we have been brought up in dysfunctional families. However, healing is a personal process, and often takes a lot of work on our part to get us back on feet.
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“As we awaken, we begin to see family dysfunction more clearly. While this is extremely painful at first, it’s actually the foundation of healing. We’re no longer in the hypnosis or unconscious state of this as our normal. And once we see it— we can’t unsee it. The beautiful part is that we can all learn the skills and traits of healthy, functional adults at any time in life. We can reparent our inner child and learn new ways to exist. We can unlearn our conditioned behaviors and relearn behaviors that serve who we truly want to be,” wrote Psychologist Nicole LePera as she explained healthy skills of functional families that we all can learn.
Interdependence: This is the beautiful form of dependency where the members of a family depend on each other, without giving up their individual selves.
Meet needs: In dysfunctional families, often parents put their emotional burdens on their children. However, this is not what happens in functional homes.
Autonomy: Healthy families bring up children where they are taught the art f autonomy – how to be responsible, and yet maintain their strengths and personal identities.
Communication: Healthy communication forms the basis of relationships. In healthy families, the space of communicating difficult emotions is created and nourished.
Stress: Stress, anxiety and difficult situations can be faced by the family together ad as unit.
Lack of hypervigilance: Members of the family trust each other to deal with their respective emotional state.
Boundaries: Boundaries are created, respected and encouraged in healthy homes.
Authentic connection: Understanding of each other and a connection form the basis of relationships in healthy families.
