When “only ifs” seep into a relationship, they only make it materialistic and will eventually lead you and your partner to drift apart hence, truth be told, perfect partners don’t exist so, relationships should be all about ‘being’ the right partner for a long-lasting union or alliance. Making them feel like you’re still trying to win them, going out on dates, healthy flirting and small surprises are some of the things that help you keep the spark in the relationship going.
Your partner is nothing but a mirror to you as the things that you both like and dislike about each other are actually the things deep within that you feel about yourself. Assimilating and integrating these well, brings about much wholesomeness and intimacy and healing in real, loving partnerships.
Setting up basic relationship rules is integral to a healthy and long-lasting relationship as there may be some things that you or your partner do not agree with. It is critical that you address these issues and establish rules for yourselves without compromising your independence.
Whether you’re dating or married for so many years, a relationship needs continuous effort from both ends but it is important to understand and accept that every single person is different. When they come along, there are some similarities in their choices and points of view but there are also disagreements and different points of view however, what matters the most is that we like, accept and give them space to grow.
Over time, we start to misunderstand the silliest of things and make serious arguments. Generally, we tend to forget little things and need to spice up relationships and make efforts to keep the relationship smooth, healthy and strong.
In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Asha Vaghasia, Founder and Relationship and Parenting Coach at We Positive Parenting in Ahmedabad, listed three pointers to keep in mind when trying to become better in your relationship. These include:
1. Listen, accept, and communicate transparently – The first thing one must do is to listen to what the other person is saying, accept it and communicate transparently about it. We generally don’t listen to understand, we listen to react and that always brings negativity. To avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, one must be present emotionally, mentally, and physically and actively listen to what the other person is saying and communicate honestly. We all are different, and accept our behavioural patterns, qualities, and flaws. This should help you understand each other better.
2. Compromise and let go – Things may not happen the way we expect or like. That is when we have to compromise or let go of certain things and move on. Relationship sometimes is more important than ego. Instead of sticking to your point, just let go and move on. This will help you save your relationship from unnecessary conflicts.
3. Trust and commitment – Trust is the base of all relationships. It is very essential to trust your partner physically and emotionally. Don’t doubt or suspect them always for the way they behave. Respect each other’s space and time mutually, communicate transparently and support each other during tough times. Life’s easier with commitment. Interestingly enough, it’s not always the personality, compatibility, or physical appearance that keeps the relationship going, mostly, it’s always how we interact with each other – how we speak with each other – how much we accept the flaws and try to understand each other.
Adding to the list, Dr Kriti Israni, Child Development and Parenting Expert and Founder of Hale & Hearty kids, advised:
1. Open communication– The biggest saviour and spoiler in any relationship is communication. One has to create a safe space in the relationship to share all feelings. Opening up about our hidden feelings with someone can be scary and easy, depending solely on how we decide to view it. However, if we fail to communicate openly with our partners, it will lead to a miserable life. I urge people to be vulnerable with each other and give confidence to their partners to speak up and share feelings. Open communication results when two people give confidence to each other through their behaviour, words, and actions. Words and actions should go hand-in-hand.
2. Be flexible and patient – Another important pillar in a relationship is being flexible and open to changes in personalities, expectations, and life. We are constantly evolving and changing; no person is going to stay the same. Our experiences and nature are continuously moulding our brains. Our hormones also keep changing throughout the course of life which impacts our behaviours. We have to stay open to accept changes in both of us in order for the relationship to thrive. It is important to have an open heart for accepting our feelings and that of others.
3. Be respectful and value boundaries – Last, but not least, we have to be respectful. We need to be respectful of our partner’s boundaries if we expect ours to be considered. You have to maintain a balance between having open communication and being flexible while being respectful. Respect and trust are vital in a healthy and strong relationship. The negativity of being disrespected goes further in negatively impacting a person’s thought process and creates a negative ripple effect. The consequences of which are self-blame, blaming life and others, and losing faith in having a meaningful relationship.
According to Devina Kaur, author, radio host and Founder of the Sexy Brilliant Non-Profit Foundation, one can become better in their relationship in just 3 simple steps. These include:
1. Laugh more – Laughing is good for the soul. It makes us happy and helps us forget about our problems. Plus, it shows that you care. A lot of people think that laughing at their partner’s jokes is mean but actually, it’s quite the opposite. Laughter is infectious; so by making your partner laugh, you are helping yourself as well. You might even find that you enjoy doing these things together and who knows, maybe you’ll discover a new side of each other in the process of finding joy together.
2. Make your relationship a priority – One of the best methods to get better at your relationship is to prioritise your relationship and your partner. Always make your partner feel like they are the centre of the universe. Understand their love language and be authentic with them while expressing your love in the love language that they appreciate. This will always make them feel like they’re the most important person in your life. Plan date nights, plan sex nights, plan time together.
3. Increase your sexual intimacy – You don’t need to be a sex fiend but you should definitely try and make it more fun for the both of you. If one or both of you are feeling bored in bed then there is something that can help you out. The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about how to spice up your relationship is sex toys. This is an easy way to bring new life into your bedroom and give you something to look forward to each night. Another way to spice things up is to talk dirty to each other and use words that make them blush. Just remember to communicate with each other and make sure you are comfortable with whatever you decide to try.
