Long distance relationships have always been tricky to deal with, and the ongoing pandemic made it worse. “We both are locked up in our homes, I miss telling him smallest of the things, like we used to.” says Ghaziabad resident Vaishnavi who is dating Saksham Yadav since five years. They met in college and have been together ever since. We bonded over chai and evening walks during our time in north campus together, says she.
This pandemic has been especially hard on the relationships that were not a long distance from the beginning, but got converted into one, resorting to the given conditions. “It was not a long distance relationship from the get go, were in college together, and after college we were living in and around Delhi NCR. We used to meet daily or at least weekly. It was good but then the first lockdown happened, we were hopeful that all of this will end soon, it didn’t. Some days are hard, but now we are coping up with it,” says Saksham Yadav who has to move back to Farrukhabad, his hometown.
The unpredicted pandemic brought changes, which took quite a bit of adjusting. Agreeing to this Vaishnavi adds, “We miss the physical tough very much, we manage to call each other daily, for five to ten minutes for the least. Just to see each other’s faces, we video call each other daily, even for just a minute. These are hard times, but we are hopeful to get through with this together. Trust makes the distance easy going.”
One may think; it must be fine for the people who are in long distance relationship from the very beginning. Here, it’s imperative to understand that, meeting once in a month was a big deal for those people, something which they used to look forward to. This pandemic took that away. 28-years-old Shivani Nagar( Name Changed), who is in a relationship for 9 years says, “I last met my boyfriend in January 2020. He doesn’t live in India but made it a point to come to India every 3 months to be with me. We got into lockdown and he hasn’t come since then. I feel we have drifted apart. There isn’t much to talk about anymore. We just do a customary good morning and good night.”
The pandemic imposed restrictions have changed feelings and outlook on a relationship. “Messages and five minutes video call everyday, which on days feels like a chore. The kiss emojis and the I-love-you’s have dwindled. It’s been over a month that we haven’t said I love you, or sent kisses, or hearts to each other. There are days when I feel like the emotional feelings in our relationship are just over. On days I find myself tempted to accept to take up proposals of other guy friends who have been wanting to date me.”
Psychologist Pulkit Sharma suggests, “Such feelings are not to be confused with boredom in the relationship. In such grim times, with not much to do, people are bored of everything. They are bored of their life and monotonous daily schedule. Boredom also crepes in work and exercise routines, with availability of limited options. Similarly, relationship will also appear boring. But at the end of the day, communication is the key in any relationship. So keeping a check of each other’s feelings will be of immense help.”
Faridabad resident Manoj Sharma (Name changed), who met his boyfriend online during the pandemic last year, feels, “We have only met once when the restrictions eased, and in that meeting it felt as if I have known him forever. Then lockdown happened again, he is stuck in Jaipur and I am in Faridabad. But we kept the relationship going, we talk on calls, but not every day because it’s important to give each other space, as these times are really tough for everyone. One thing that keeps us motivated is thinking about the future. What all we will do after things will start opening up. It brings a glimmer of hope.”
This is how you can deal with the distance:
1. Communicate every feeling, positive or negative. Keeping in touch virtually is the best we can do right now.
2. Plan online dates and make time for each other. Do fun things together via video calls.
3. Appreciate your partner’s presence in your life by sending them cute texts, videos and checking up on their physical and mental health.
4. Keep the tradition of ‘I love you’ and mushy emoji’s going. Don’t suddenly bail with a boring “Gn” text.
5. Play online games, watch your favourite OTTs together, or anything that brings you two together.
