When two individuals come together to form an intimate relationship, there are many factors to take into account such as family culture, upbringing, past experiences and so on. It does take a lot of effort and understanding for you to develop an intimate relationship and build a life with another individual. While communication may be key in your relationship, it is not enough. It also depends if you are able to convey what you are truly feeling and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Most of all, listening to your partner and understanding them. You could live your whole life feeling and behaving in a certain way without any issues. However, all of a sudden, it becomes an issue when you get into a relationship. Thus, self-reflection and awareness are important in a relationship. (Also read: Healthy ways of addressing an argument: Psychotherapist shares tips )
” Your past experience greatly influences how you feel and behave in a relationship. As much as you love your partner, you can’t help but wonder why you are stuck in a cycle of unresolved arguments. Understanding each other’s needs and attachment styles can make a significant difference in a relationship. Personal trauma also tends to show up in an intimate relationship. Thus, seeking help and talking to each other is important to get a better picture of the issue. You are not alone if you feel like you have hit a dead-end in the relationship.” says Amanda Yoram, Certified Hypnotherapist and RTT Practitioner. She further shared reasons why you have never-ending arguments in a relationship.
1. You have different attachment styles
Attachment style refers to how you relate to other people. It is hard to fulfil your partner’s needs or meet someone on the middle ground when you struggle to understand their needs. You develop your attachment style based on your first relationship with your caregiver. Unfulfilled childhood needs and family upbringing also affect your attachment style.
2. You have unresolved trauma
While relationships could bring out the ‘best’ in you, they could also bring out the ‘worst’ in you. When you have unresolved trauma, you could be normalising problematic traits or behaving unmindfully.
For example, what you think was ‘normal’ behaviour in your family might not be ‘normal’ for your partner. Unresolved trauma could also include past experiences such as breakups, family conflicts and other related experiences.
3. You have a different love language
Everyone has different triggers and ways of expressing their love languages in a relationship. You could have different expectations and desires from your partner. It’s important to have a discussion about each other’s expectations. It would greatly help if you understand your partner’s past experiences and upbringing.
4. You are unable to express your true self
Communication becomes more difficult when you or your partner cannot fully express themselves. Self-understanding is crucial for you to communicate better in a relationship. Self-awareness enables you to identify and break free of unhealthy behavioural patterns. You start to become mindful of your behavioural responses and understand how it affects your partner.
5. You are stuck in a toxic relationship
Despite countless efforts, it is hard to ‘fix’ everything when you are the only one putting in the effort. There is only so much you can do when your partner refuses to reflect on their trauma or suffers from severe mental health issues. Toxic traits like narcissism, anger issues and manipulative behaviours are challenging to put up with and can take a toll on your mental health. You are not responsible for fixing them.