11 dating mistakes to avoid according to relationship coach: ‘Don’t become an unpaid therapist for broken people’
Dating can be messy and complicated and also requires hard work and patience. But you already knew that. Although mistakes will be made as you navigate dating тАФ hello! you are only human тАФ there are a number of mistakes that you can avoid while trying to achieve your happily ever after. That’s where certified relationship coach Hritik Singh comes in. Also read | Sex on first date: Is casual sex a relationship killer?
In an Instagram post, he urged his followers to avoid these dating mistakes, writing:
1. Having no standards and selecting just about anyone you find attractive
Solution: Stop dating mindlessly and unconsciously. Mindless dating does not increase the probability of finding love. Instead, it increases the likelihood of collecting unnecessary baggage.
2. Mistaking the initial excitement and adrenaline for ‘great connection’
Solution: Remember, you cannot have a ‘great connection’ with someone you know nothing about. A great connection can only be identified once you have spent a significant amount of time with the other person and have a fair understanding of them and how they show up for you.
3. Overvaluing good chemistry/connection and undervaluing the rational skills that truly matter
Solution: No matter how phenomenal your connection with someone is, it amounts to nothing if they lack the basic relationship competence to build a sustainable relationship.
4. Selecting someone who is 180 degrees opposite of you and then taking on the responsibility of changing them
Solution: View the other person exactly as they are and then decide for YOURSELF whether you can be happy with them or not instead of forcing them to change for you.
5. Dating with the mindset of impressing people instead of expressing yourself and looking for alignment
Solution: Stop stepping into the dating realm with the desperation to get chosen by someone. You are the chooser too, so have your back and focus on mutual discovery, not on approval seeking.
6. Pursuing someone even when they have clearly mentioned that aren’t looking for/ready for a relationship
Solution: When someone tells you that they don’t want a relationship, take them at their word and walk away from them instead of hoping that they will eventually change their mind.
7. Becoming someone’s ‘messiah’ and doing chores for them in order to get them attracted to you
Solution: What is attractive in dating is healthy self-regard, standards and boundaries, not self-abandonment and constant self-sacrifice.
8. Becoming a rehabilitation centre/unpaid therapist for broken and damaged people
Solution: If someone has a lot of unhealed trauma from their past that they refuse to work on, it is an indication to let them go, not an opportunity to become their self-proclaimed therapist.
9. Unconsciously assuming that someone’s lack of interest in you is a reflection of your value and then chasing after them to prove your value
Solution: Remember, rejections have more to do with preferences than our unworthiness as human beings. Therefore, why would you want to be with someone who isn’t excited about being with you?
He also listed two additional suggestions, writing:
10. Being a hyper-agreeable person and playing it cool even if something is consistently bothering you because you donтАЩt want to be ‘needy’
Solution: If your needs/expectations are reasonable, clearly communicate them. Remember, you will never lose the right relationship by having a conversation about your needs and standards.
11. Rushing the relationship and immediately asking for commitment in order to soothe your anxiety
Solution: When you come across someone who seems like a promising partner, learn to take things slow and let the connection develop gradually
So, which dating mistake did you resonate with the most?
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
