Who’s a difficult person? Aggressive, manipulative, bossy, distrustful, insensitive, fussy, quarrelsome, ill-mannered, rigid – one who possesses any two or more of these qualities is not easy to handle. An individual with most of these traits can be termed to have a disorder especially when the problems are persistent. In some of the cases, the individual is deliberate in his sarcastic, aggressive and authoritative conduct. Also read | Online dating: Why do people catfish? Red flags to watch out for and how to deal
Experts say 60 percent of our personality is inherited and the rest relies on our upbringing. “The causes can be attributed to past trauma, bad experiences, unsettled conflicts resulting in chronic anxiety, vulnerability or dejection. Our genes, hormones, and body chemistry all are responsible in determining our personalities. Hence, we are all born with varied levels of cordiality,” clinical psychologist Kaavya Sriram says.
Are they aware how difficult they are?
Mehezabin Dordi, Clinical Psychologist, Sir HN Reliance Foundation Hospital, answers, “Not always. Many difficult people lack self-awareness about their behavior and its impact on others. This is often because their behavior is rooted in deep-seated habits, personality traits, or emotional defenses. For example, someone who is overly critical may see themselves as ‘honest’ rather than hurtful, or someone who is controlling may believe they are simply being responsible. Certain personality traits, like narcissism or defensiveness, can also inhibit self-awareness. However, some difficult individuals may recognize their tendencies but feel justified in their actions or lack the tools to change.”
Red flags to look out
It can be mentally, emotionally and psychologically draining to deal with a stubborn, head-strong individual. The following are the red flags to look out for before getting into a serious relationship:
Lack of respect
This is the first and foremost negative feature one must beware of in a relationship. Disrespect by way of behavior in words or gestures, when alone or in front of others, calls for an end to the connection.
Control freak
Difficult persons are more concerned about attaining and brandishing authority. They undergo continuous struggle for supremacy in the enduring relationship.
Egocentric
They are egoistic, self-centered, selfish and a marked trait of having the last word with friends and relationships can be observed.
Rude and hostile
A rebel and soloist, they refuse to adjust, compromise or give in, even during certain crucial situations where cooperation is needed.
Blame game
Inexorable individuals invariably end up blaming the partner, friend, weather, the system, and everything else for their shortcomings. They are always right, according to them.
Dogmatic and pushy
Hard-headed persons only follow or adopt those rules which appeal to them. Stubborn and defiant, they usually thrust their views on others but refuse to toe the line.
Abusive in nature
When a person is continually mentally, physically or emotionally abusive, it should be a matter of concern for the partner and time to rethink about carrying on with the relationship.
Possessiveness
Jealousy is another marked negative trait. They resort to snooping, consume all your attention, to the extent of suppressing your freedom.
Dishonest takers
They may constantly resort to telling lies to get ahead, and will lack reciprocity. They are just takers and not givers.
Narcissistic
In most cases, narcissistic qualities are evident. They will not care about your feelings. It’s just ‘I, me, myself’ for them.
How to deal with difficult people
Dealing with difficult people close to you, like family members or close friends, requires a balance of empathy, boundaries, and effective communication. Mehezabin Dordi pins down the strategies to manage these relationships:
1. Set clear boundaries: Clearly communicate what behavior is acceptable and what is not. For instance, if they are consistently negative or critical, let them know how this affects you and set limits on such conversations.
2. Focus on the behavior, not the person: Avoid labeling them as “difficult.” Instead, address specific behaviors. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you dismiss my ideas,” rather than “You’re always dismissive.”
3. Practice empathy: Try to understand the root cause of their behaviour. Are they acting out of insecurity, stress, or unmet needs? Empathy can help you respond with compassion rather than frustration.
4. Communicate assertively: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without accusing them. For instance, “I feel overwhelmed when conversations always turn to arguments. Can we discuss this calmly?”
5. Limit engagement when necessary: If the person remains toxic or refuses to change, limit your interactions. This is especially important for preserving your mental health.
6. Seek support: Share your feelings with someone you trust or a therapist. They can provide guidance on handling the relationship and processing your emotions.
7. Model positive behavior: Sometimes, modeling kindness, patience, or calmness can encourage the other person to reciprocate.
Ultimately, it’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being while trying to maintain the relationship, but not at the expense of your mental health.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.