Not fighting or betrayal causes divorce: Relationship expert reveals the biggest reason why marriages fail
When a marriage is headed towards a point of no return, with divorce as the only way out, many people assume it’s because of explosive fights or a lack of intimacy. While these are certainly relevant, they are just surface-level issues. The main root cause is subtler than you think. The crack in a relationship may not always come from an explosive reason, but from things shoved under the carpet. They keep taking up space until the marriage feels too claustrophobic.
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Relationship coach Jon Dabach, who regularly shares tips on relationship and marriage-related issues on Instagram, revealed one issue that he believes is the biggest indicator of a marriage that may be heading for divorce.
What is the biggest warning sign of divorce that couples miss?
The relationship coach explained, “After 13 years as a couples’ counsellor, it’s not constant fighting, it’s not a lack of intimacy, and it’s not even growing apart over time. Sure, all those things can hurt a marriage, but they are symptoms, not the root cause. It’s uncommunicated expectations, the silent, unspoken needs that go unmet for just far too long. Marriages don’t fall apart because of dramatic betrayals alone. They break because couples stop communicating what they expect from each other.”
Being on the same page is a non-negotiable in the relationship, and when couples ignore this rule, marriages suffer. Jon added, “One partner believes they should know what I need by now, and the other assumes everything is fine. Emotional distance keeps growing until two people start living parallel lives under the same roof. A major, major warning sign is when conversations become purely transactional and couples stop sharing their hopes, frustrations, and dreams.”
What can be done?
If uncommunicated expectations are still at a nascent stage, the best step to save the marriage is through open conversations before the silence turns into distance.
Jon Dabach discussed the solutions and added, “You speak the hard truth out loud. I feel like we have stopped talking about what we really want from each other. You respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness and you ask your partner what do you need from me that I am not seeing. The solution to saving a marriage is not avoiding conflict. The real solution is staying committed to honest dialogue on purpose.”
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Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
