Always the chaser, never chased? Relationship expert shares 3 hacks to make you romantically magnetic to your crush
Are you always the artist, never the art? Relationships, especially in the early stages, commonly have a dynamic where one person does the chasing, usually the giver. They put in most of the effort to chase the connection, from keeping the momentum going with constant effort to even going the extra mile to make plans. The dynamic can feel particularly disheartening when one pours all their energy into the connection, only to be met with indifference or disproportionate affection from the person they are chasing.
While it may feel intuitive for some to put in all the effort (the classic I can fix them attitude), but always chasing can eventually push you so far that you are at a dead end (and your wits’ end). It’s time to change the dynamic, and instead of chasing, become the one who’s pursued.
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New York City-based Relationship expert Kimberly Moffit shared 3 ways that make someone romantically chase you:
1. Over-schedule yourself
Making yourself available for your crush is one of the knee-jerk reactions, like deliberately reshuffling your schedule around or keeping windows of time open ‘just in case’ your crush wants to hang out.
Kimberly explained this and elaborated, “What most people do when they have a crush is they do something called under-scheduling themselves. This is when you mentally pencil in gaps in your schedule just in case an opportunity with them ever comes up.”
But when you over-schedule, you prioritise yourself and aren’t available at every beck and call. Kimberly noted that any time spent together then feels more powerful because of the perceived scarcity of time. This sense of scarcity sparks desire and makes them more likely to chase.
2. Underdress
While dressing up to see someone can be fun, overdoing it may give off the impression of ‘trying too hard.’ It shouldn’t seem like you’re desperate to impress, as that could even become one of the icks.
Kimberly said, “Overdressing is exactly what most people do when they have a crush, like making sure every curl is in place. This actually hurts you as it creates an air of desperation and immediately throws off the power dynamics.”
Moreover, she shared a powerful example of Megan Markle appearing on her second date with Prince Harry without any heavy makeup, implying that she was confident enough to show her natural self. There’s something magnetic about natural confidence.
3. Resist the urge
However casual and laid-back you want to be, mixed signals make the best of us lose all our composure and give in to the urge to chase them, trying to decode the ‘what are we’ dynamic. This is where they play the reverse UNO card of thwarting your plans of making them the chaser and turning you into the chaser instead.
She said, “At some point, there’s going to be an opportunity for the person you like to try to pull you into a dynamic where you are chasing them. Maybe they don’t text you back right away, maybe they leave you hanging. This isn’t them being bad. This is them testing the dynamic to see what it is. When this happens, you are going to be so tempted to figure out what’s going on. But remember, no one will chase you if they are able to make you chase them.”
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